Nothing Left Unspoken

If my grandmother is the heart of our family (and she certainly is) then my grandfather is its soul. I cannot imagine a life without one's heart and soul. My grandfather is 83 years young. He has almost always (except for a few heart issues here and there) been in pretty good shape. He certainly is the only grandfather that I know that had (when he was working & did heavy lifting at the age of 70) pretty significant arm muscles. And he is the only man that I know that the whole world seems to be enamored by whenever he is around.

If you have spent any time reading this blog you know that my grandfather is pretty important to me. In fact, outside of my mother, my grandfather is  the biggest influence in my life. He is so much a part of me that I sometimes do not know where I begin and he ends. I have had times in my life where instead of asking, "What would Jesus do?" I have asked myself, "What would Grandpa do?". He is just that kind of person. I do know anyone who doesn't gravitate towards him. He is that rare genuine person who brings out the best in people and is a person who I would love to be just a fraction like. He is that good. Seriously.

So, when I get a frantic call from my mother that my grandfather has fallen and has been rushed to the hospital where he was not only admitted for a possible stroke, but needed to have 20-some staples put into his head to close up his wound from his fall, I think it is fair to say that my own heart stops a beat. Because for me my grandfather is not only my hero, but he is a superhero, and superheros aren't human. When reality hits and I have to face the fact that my grandfather is a mere mortal and that he is going to succumb to mere mortal issues like falling and having his body fail him (even if only temporarily) it catches me off guard.

You see, I am the luckiest girl in the world for many reasons, but one of the greatest is because I was given the gift (and it truly is a gift) of having my grandfather in my life. From the time I began to realize that there were some people in my life who were going to be more special to me than others (and I think we all have these people) my grandfather was number 1 on that special list. When I was little I used to leave him notes under his pillow telling him how much I loved him. I would tell him that he was my most favorite person in the whole wide world and that I did not need for him to respond back, (Mostly I would tell him this because I could not bare to be told that I was not his most favorite special person in the whole wide world in return.)  As I got older I would mail him cards or letters letting him know just how special he was and very much still is to me.

He is the only person in this whole wide world whom I have left nothing unspoken. I have always told him exactly how much I loved him and how special he was to me. I have done this for no one else - not Bob, not even my kids. There are many reasons for this, I suppose. I think that the most significant is because I have felt only true unconditional love from my grandfather. I have never, ever felt judged or rejected by him. Never felt the sting of harsh and cold hurtful words. He has never given his opinion when he thinks I am making a mistake or being silly. When he hasn't supported something I was doing he was just quiet and let me figure out my own life. I have only received praise and love and support from him. Always. I have no other relationship in my life where that exists.

When it is my time for my grandfather to enter heaven (and I have no doubt that is where I will meet him) - and no, this is not the time, as he is expected to make a full recovery from his fall - I will never regret things left unsaid with him because there is nothing that I have left unsaid. That freedom of knowing that he and I will always know how much I adore him is a special gift. I may not be his favorite grandchild - he is way too classy to ever let on if he has a favorite - let alone who it would be if he does, but I do know that we will always have a special connection. And I will carry that with me for all of the days of my life.

I wish everyone had a grandpa like mine. He is just that amazing.