As It Should Be

I am sitting outside at our picnic table watching these beautiful, white, fluffy, cotton ball replicate clouds mosey on by in the picture perfect blue sky, and I cannot help but feel a deep and unabiding sense of gratitude for the life I get to live. I have realized these past few weeks that not everyone who wishes to travel gets to, and that it is only because of my husband's employer that we are getting to experience this country and all of the vastness and wonder that it offers. This fact makes me feel even more grateful.

As we work through all that needs to be accomplished when a family moves from one part of the country to another I cannot help but reflect on all the ways I have been stretched and molded these last 18 months while living in this beautiful land called Las Cruces. After having done a bit traveling around different cities and parts of not only this state, but Arizona as well I realize just how blessed we are to have been able to experience the exceptional life that only Las Cruces could have offered to us. Albuquerque, a part of the state that many love, didn't capture my heart the way Las Cruces has. When I visited Phoenix the people there did not have the love that the people of Las Cruces carry in their heart and share with anyone willing to open themselves up to it. Las Cruces has lived up to my expectations as the land of sun and light and have offered me even more than I could have imagined. There are places that touch a person deeply and leave their stamp on their hearts and souls forever. Las Cruces has done that for me.

I knew from the very beginning that my time in the Land of Enchantment was going to be but a brief stint of my (God willing) long life. I got to appreciate all the beauty here while overlooking the things that the natives find so taxing about life in the desert because I knew that I wouldn't be here forever. I never thought in a million years that I would have home that overlooked a valley that housed the city I have come to love so very much. I would have never thought that I would have something as simple as a beautiful inground pool. I never thought that I would live in a house that most would find of average size and realize how much I detest the house for that same size that so many wouldn't think twice about. I never thought that I would live in a land where the sky is visible to eye for miles and miles. I never thought I would live someplace that offered a natural landscape that was so breathtaking I found myself constantly caught off guard at its every day beauty.

This chapter of my life has shown me so, so, so much. It has made realize just how much I don't want to live an average life and how, because of Bob's employer, I have the opportunities that most only dream about. I don't take that lightly. For whatever reason God has deemed me and my family worthy enough to get to live this extraordinary life outside the boundaries of all that is normal and acceptable. While living in Las Cruces I have learned that I think outside the box all of the time and that instead of fretting and fearing that I am messing my children up because I think this way that I should embrace my thought patterns.  God would not have placed my children in my care if he didn't think that they would thrive under my weird ways. Instead of trying to find ways in which I can reconcile my thoughts and ideals with what the modern world thinks is ideal I am beginning to see that I just need to live my life with my unusual ideals and be at peace with their unusualness. Who cares what the rest of the world thinks? As my husband tells me time and time again: I do what I want. Why should I let my perceptions of how the outside world sees me change what I believe and how I live my life?

I often think that a lot more people I know would love to just let go and live a life that is so different from the one they currently are living, but they either feel that they cannot because of financial reasons or they feel they cannot because they are afraid to live a different life. I have felt both emotions. I still am afraid of some of the choices Bob and I are making for the future of our family because they are different from the life that we live now.

When Bob's new boss first approached him about the possibility of us moving to Portland I had trouble sleeping night after night because I knew that we had an opportunity to make some radicals changes as a family and I was petrified of what that would look like not only for myself, but for my kids as well. There are patterns of normalcy that we have gotten into while living here in Las Cruces that I don't want to repeat again somewhere else. There are things that we are currently doing in our every day lives that are robbing us of our ability to see life as an adventure. They are sucking our time up and making us comatose without us even realizing it. You only live once and nothing is guaranteed in this life, so why am I allowing certain things to invade our family's life and rob us of experiences?

I am sure some of you may be wondering what changes we are going to be making. There are many small changes we are making, but there are three big ones that I would like to share with you.

1.) We are getting rid of our TV and our video game systems. Having a screen free home (minus one computer) is going to be a huge blessing once the shock wears off of not having electronics to fall back on. I have long wanted to get rid of the TV because it is a time sucker and a way to waste life away. Up to this point we have kept our TV because marriage requires compromise and Bob wanted to keep the TV. Thankfully, he approached me about getting of it before we moved to Portland because he wants our family to experience all that the Pacific Northwest has to offer. We cannot do that if we are sucked into the latest TV shows and video games. I am soooo excited to see what creative ideas we will come up with in a TV free home.


2.) We are downsizing tremendously. Part of this reason has to do with the fact that Portland is incredibly expensive and housing is pretty hot right now. Most of the reason has to do with the fact that I am just wired differently, and after living in a 3200 square foot home I realize just how much that lifestyle isn't for me. I don't need a big house to show the world how great I am (or actually Bob is) or how successful we are. At the end of my life God isn't going to give me bonus points for having a big house filled with fancy things. In fact, it is my belief that God will look at all of my materialism and ask me why I didn't share my financial resources with those truly in need.  I am not saying that we should all have the same size houses and the same cars, etc...What I am saying is that as a Christian it is my job to do as Jesus did and he helped those in need. I believe that our family only needs so much to be happy and that those things don't include big houses with fancy things. I will take a small house with nice unfancy things any day. Because of this move, I now have the ability to put my words into actions. And I plan on doing just that. The places that we are currently looking at have anywhere between 1050 -1500 square feet. It will be an adjustment for sure, but a positive one most definitely.

3.) We are going to rent an apartment instead of buying a home. I know that it seems counterproductive to not buy a home. After all buying a home and the white picket fence are the American Dream, right? Not for this girl. I am not saying that we will never buy a home again, but at this stage in our life it doesn't make sense. We don't think that we will be in Portland for that long, and buying a home in a place you aren't going to spend more than a year or two is silly. Plus, it will be so nice to call up the landlord and have him/her fix the broken things instead of having to do that ourselves. Renting will free up our time to live our life.

All is as it should be. Even with the hail damage that we had yesterday that has delayed us putting our house on the market until a new roof is put on and the sprinkler system is fixed via a claim through our insurance company. (Our very first one in 13 years!)  Even with the tire that popped on my way home from dropping Bob off at work today and then our neighbors standing in their doorway watching the boys and I try to change the tire (unsuccessfully) while offering absolutely no help. (Taking the car in tomorrow to be serviced.) Even with the estate sale company I was trying to hire to sell most of our possessions since we do not need them in a smaller space telling me we don't have enough stuff to make it worth their while to sell for us. Even with Bob leaving for Portland on Sunday with so much still to be done here at home in New Mexico. Even with all of the uncertainty of getting our house on the market, having it sell in a short amount of time, and then transitioning to Oregon. All is as it should be. I am going to enjoy all of these crazy chaotic moments because I am never going to get them back. Life is an adventure. A roller coaster ride that I am so thankful and grateful that I get to participate in. My life humbles me every day and makes me full of gratitude. Life is good in Las Cruces.