Will It All Have Seemed Like A Dream?

By this time, two weeks from today, my family will have left Las Cruces for Portland. The 5 of us have 13 days in this great state and this dream-come-true city. I was thinking last night how these past (almost) two months have been a blur of frustrations and aggravations and disappointments caused by this move and that I have been so distracted by these things that I have not been able to enjoy my last few weeks here. Almost all of these negative emotions are related to this damn house and shady contractors and I am thankful to leave home ownership behind for the time being.

Josh and I went to the store last night to pick up a few items. As we were driving to our destination he  talked about how he was ready to move and that he just wanted to get these next couple of weeks over with. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that the soccer team he played for last season has now disbanded and half of the players are going in one direction and the other half are going in another. The dream is over for him here and he is looking forward to new dreams up north. I also think it will be hard to leave his buddies that he hangs out with outside of soccer and just wants to tear the bandage off and leave verse dragging it out these next two weeks. I can understand that mentality as I have felt that way before in certain situations.

I am also ready to move, but mainly because I am ready to get out of this house and into our new home and be reunited as a family. One thing that moving around has taught me is that as long as my family is together I can move anywhere and do just about anything. Even though Bob worked a lot while here in Cruces I also knew that he was in the same space as me and that always gave me comfort. Knowing that he is so far away makes me feel incomplete here. I just want to be with him and feel whole. I want to be able to experience the life that we have built as a family together - not 1600 miles apart.

We are having our huge garage sale this weekend and once I get through that I will feel a bit better. I am nervous about the sale. What if no one comes? What if I cannot sell this stuff? It certainly isn't going to come with me...

When I do have quiet moments in my head and I am able to reflect on my time here and what these last 19 months have meant to me I think I am most afraid that this place and its beauty will fade from my memory. In the grand scheme of Life we will have only lived here for such a short time frame. How on earth will I be able to hold the beauty of the natural world around me as well as the spirit of the people who reside here in my heart? As time marches forward will the details of this life we have built here become nonexistent?  The fear that this may happen tears me up inside. I love Las Cruces and its people so much. So, so much. It would crush me if I could no longer remember the finite details that I have come to love so deeply.

I wonder if living here will have seemed like a dream. A very sweet wonderful dream.

There is still much to be done here before we leave. There is one more contractor coming out to the property next week to repair the hail damage we incurred two weeks ago. And then the movers are coming June 7,8,9. There are homeschooling families that we need to say good-bye to. And there are our surrogate family members here that we need to spend as much time with as we can before we say 'until next time'. There is also two weekends of soccer to be had. A small 3x3 tournament this Saturday and then a regular tournament (Josh's last one as a Striker) next weekend in El Paso. (It is aptly named the Sun Bowl and I cannot think of a better name for a soccer send off than that.) Then, of course, there is the farewell nature tour - places that we want to visit one last time - Soledad Canyon, Aguirre Springs, A Mountain, Cloudcroft, and White Sands.

These next two weeks are going to tear me up. I am looking forward to the future  while also feeling such a deep sense of gratitude for the life I have been privileged enough to live these last 19 months. Life is good in Las Cruces. I pray that I never forget that.