Back To Food

Behind only our rent our food costs are our family's highest monthly expenditure. Unlike our rent this expense is variable which means that I have some control over this cost.

I wish that food wasn't such a struggle for me. I wish that I didn't wrestle with our family's food ideals and costs nearly constantly. I think of all of the things that I struggle with food is the most frustrating to me because, in my mind anyway, food should be simple.

But food is anything but simple. In fact, it is one of the most complex issues I deal with in my life. I go back and forth in my beliefs on food especially now that we live in such an expensive part of the country and are trying to do so on a single income. I find that in trying to maintain the family life that we have built for our kids, and the family life they have recently told us they want to maintain, Having me home and homeschooling have become just as important to our kids as it was/is to Bob and I. The only way I can realistically not have to seek part time work outside the home greater than 20 hours per week is if I can curb some of our food costs.

One of the nice things about living in the Pacific Northwest is that there are a lot of people that feel very strongly about eating organic/near organic/homegrown/local food. There are farmers markets just about everywhere. There are tons of farmers that sell from their homesteads in every direction that you go and offer a wide variety of food items year round.

The problem I wrestle with is cost. It is not cheap to buy quality food. And I know that the argument is that you can either pay for quality food upfront or you can pay for cheap food afterwards with doctors bills. I get that concept. I really do, but when it comes to saving a buck on food costs I find that sometimes I am willing to gamble on paying the doctor later in order to save money right now especially when I know that saving money right now will help me to maintain the lifestyle that we all cherish in our home.

But...and you know me there is just about always a but - deep inside I know that I wrestle with food because I know that I have the answer to my food struggle it's just that the answer to my food struggle is not the answer that I want. The answer is the harder solution for me and I don't want hard. I want food to be easy. I also want it to be cheap.

I think that the kind of food I want can be cheaper (maybe?)...if I am willing to spend some time in the kitchen. I have to be willing to commit myself to planning meals and preparing meals. I have to be willing to not buy things from a box, bag, or can, but be willing to make things from scratch. I have tried bits and pieces of this life before, but it is time consuming and hard. And truth be told, I can do hard things, but sometimes I am just too damn lazy. Preparing foods from scratch day in and day out most of the time just plain stinks.  I am not one to love being in the kitchen. There are many in my family who have been blessed with a natural ability to cook and bake and prepare creative meals from scratch. I missed that gene in my formation. I was too busy picking up the 'gets stressed out easily and overthinks way too much' gene. And I have had it (wisely) recommended to me to just take one day a week and meal prep because that works so well for so many, but for me because I make the choice/have the luxury of being a stay at home mama, it doesn't matter if it takes me 6 hours on Sunday or 1 hour Monday thru Saturday the time is the same for me for meal prep. It all stinks.

I have some people in my life who I consider food purists. They know the way of eating that is right for them and they eat that way with no internal struggles. It is what it is for them and they aren't willing to compromise on the food issue. I envy those people. I wish it was that easy for me.  I wish food was not a constant struggle on so many levels all of the damn time. It is exhausting.

I wish I could just pick a food philosophy and stick with it. Or maybe the real issue is that I know what my food philosophy is, but I just don't have the balls or the fortitude to stay with it. Either way my struggle is exhausting and I wish it would stop. Until that day comes, I will be in the trenches wrestling with myself and what to do (easy, cheap, time saving, but unhealthy food vs. time consuming, expensive, healthy food)....yet again.