Beginning the Teenage Years

My oldest, Andy, is twelve and a half. I can tell that he is slowly changing - not just physically, but emotionally as well. I have noticed him trying to figure things out, thinking about big picture idea's, asking questions about "grown up" concepts, and questioning the value of current relationships to him as both new  and old friends  each go on their own journey towards adulthood.

Some of the changes I have seen don't surprise me on bit. Others I was not quite prepared for. I am grateful that I have worked for the last couple of years on being open with my kids, and allowing them to feel comfortable to come to me about any situation they would like to bring to my attention because that foundation will be very useful during these turbulent teenage years. Sometimes I wonder if some of the choices I make as a parent are really going to pay off in the end - being available to them for anything is going to pay off in a big way I can tell already.

I know that at his core, Andy will remain very much the same. It is just the details of himself that will change. He will no longer be "my Andyman", but rather just Andy - a person truly distinct and apart from me. On the one hand I am grateful that I get to walk near him on this journey towards adulthood, and to lend him a helping hand when he needs it. But I now see that I no longer can walk beside him because now is the time in his life when he needs work stuff out on his own. It is time for him to see if the foundation that Bob and I helped him build will support the structure that he will make on his own to create his own life. I hope that we have done him justice.

On the other hand, I am so very sad. You see, when we become parents, when I became a parent anyway, I thought that I would have my children as my own for many, many, many years, but really that is not the case. I have my children as my own for just a short while, and then they become teenagers and they want to spread their wings and figure things out for themselves. At this point they are no longer my babies - they are each becoming their own people - as they have been from the moment they were all born. They no longer need me as much, and rightfully so. But it doesn't make it any less easier for me. I wonder if Andy is going to be my hardest to let go because he is my oldest and my first child to go through this stage in life. I feel both heartbroken and pure joy. I am heartbroken because if I could, I would keep all of my children with me always. I admire them and love them all in a way that I cannot explain. I am so very joyful because I believe that my children are not my possessions, but gifts that have come from the Universe through me to the world. I cannot wait to see how each of children grows and leaves their imprint on those around them. How they each change the world.

I will let Andy go - I will allow him the space to grow, and become the beautiful, wonderful young man that I know he is destined to become, but I will always be there in the wings cheering him on all the way. I will let him fall because that too, is a part of life, but I will ALWAYS be there for him to support him in any way that will help on this journey called Life.