Opportunity Cost

A long time ago  Bob and I were having a discussion about whether or not we would be willing to relocate if his present employer asked us to. We weighed the pros and cons, and still came up undecided. When I asked Bob what was holding him back from telling his employer that he was indeed mobile he simply said, "Opportunity Cost". At that time, I had no idea what this phrase meant, but he kindly explained the concept to me, and now it is something that I cannot get out of my mind. You see, an opportunity cost is all of the things that you give up - family, friends, your current community - when you move away from your current location. It is all of those things that you cannot take with you when you leave a place behind.

Since last December when we told Bob's employer that we were mobile I have always kept the thoughts of the opportunity cost in the back of my mind. I always told myself that if I found a great community here then I could find a great community somewhere else too. That is true - I could find a good, even a great, community somewhere else, but it also wouldn't be THIS community. Josh has a wonderful group of buddies that he has been friends with and played sports with for quite some time. There are about 8 or 9 families in this group, and all of us have children around the same age. His friends are all really good kids who have also included Andy in their fold, and now sometimes some of the boys will ask to see if Josh AND Andy can hang out. Almost all of the boys have younger sisters that are my girls age, and they too have become good friends over time. I have grown to love this group of boys, and all of the families that make up our "Soccer Family" gang. (All of the boys play on the same soccer team, and have for the last 4+ years.)

Being the second half of winter - the boys are currently playing indoor soccer as they have every winter for a number of years. As they were playing this past Saturday my heart grew sad because THIS is what I would be giving up if we left for somewhere else. I would be giving up the chest bumps that Josh gave his teammate who scored 3 amazing goals. I would be giving up watching his team cheer him on as HE scored two great goals. I would be giving up hearing our cheering section support each boy on the field as if he was their own. I would be giving up picnics and parties and memories made with a good group of people. My children, who are growing ever more entrenched in this community, are creating more and more memories and growing more and more roots. Is it fair for Bob and I to uproot them? Would their roots be able to take hold in another town in another state? Or would we damage them too much blinded by our own desire to provide them with more - more space in our home, more money for better vacations (or even A vacation), more money to be able to provide tangible assets. Doesn't that sound a little bit contradictory to EVERYTHING I am trying to teach my kids? To everything that I write about on this blog?

And that doesn't even include leaving our family! Does it seem to make sense that I am constantly preaching family first, and yet - I have been willing to jump at any opportunity that came along, like a damn nut - just to climb 1 more rung on what society has labeled the "success ladder"? That it took a friends nudging to see that I was being an ass reaching for something that CLEARLY the Universe was trying to keep out of my hands because the opportunity was not the right one for our family? What does that say about me as a person, a mother, a daughter  a friend - that I am willing to take away my children and myself and my husband - who so many people love and adore - just so that I (although I should say 'we' b/c Bob is equally a part of this too) can afford the finer things in life? I don't have the answers to those questions right now. I know that some would argue that trying to create a better life for my family is not wrong - and I would agree with that. I would also agree though, that there is a time and a place for everything, and that maybe I am meant to stay here and raise my children in this community with their family surrounding them and supporting them. My family would do anything for my children. I have a sister whom I love so very much and a nephew and a niece who hold a such a special place in my heart. My sister is Elizabeth's best friend (as she lets me know from time to time) - who am I to take those very important people in my children's life and make them, at best, part time fixtures in their lives? How many memories will I be giving up creating with my family because I will be too far away to participate in those day-to-day activities.

I just don't know what the right answer is anymore. I think that when  an opportunity presents itself that would require us to move out of the state - it will feel right in our hearts. It won't be something that we will have to talk ourselves into, like some of the opportunities we have chosen in the past (ahem...our current situation?). It will just present itself when we are least expecting it and we will know that it is the right opportunity not only for Bob and I, but for all of us.

I do think that there are some pros to leaving that cannot be overlooked. Job security is a big deal to us since I stay home with our children, and hope to do so for the foreseeable future. I want Bob to enjoy what he does and to be stimulated and challenged by his work. That doesn't happen if you stay in the same job doing the same thing year after year after year. I think that it would be pretty neat to expose my children to different parts of this country. Even though this is one big United States the different sections of our country couldn't be more different. I would like to allow them the opportunity to see and enjoy different cultures and ways of life. I would like to be able to provide a solid future for my kids - one in which they do not have thousands and thousands of dollars of student loan debt just so that they can get a college degree. I want to be able to take care of my parents. I want to be able to take them to all of the places they love - Cape Cod, the Grand Canyon - so that they can enjoy this life too. They have worked so hard all of their lives - I want them to be able to see the fruit of that labor. I would like to help provide them with some of that fruit sooner rather than later, so that they can enjoy it as much as they can.

I just have to have faith that the answers I am seeking will come. I have to be open to receiving them in whatever form they arrive for if I am keeping my eyes pointed in only one direction - the answers could have passed me by time and time again just outside my vision. Sometimes, I believe, that the answers we seek are in the places we are least likely to look or be open to receiving. I better start living with my arms wide open, so that I may catch all that the Universe has been trying to show me.