Slowly Learning...

There is a house for sale in town that I really like. I saw a couple of cars in the driveway when I passed it today as I was picking up my Andyman from school, and I panicked. That is going to be my house, I thought, why is someone else looking at it?!?! (Now, keep in mind I have not seen the inside of the house nor have I put my house up for sale or any of that jazz, but in my head this house was going to be mine some day.)

Then I was pulled back into my reality, and realized that I cannot make ANY major life decision until we know what is (or is not) going on with Bob's job. I could feel my chest start to tighten up, and my mind began to go into overtime inundated with a thousand different thoughts. Tears started to fill my eyes with frustration because our lives have been on pause for the last year.

Thank goodness when I got home I saw the signs that I made and put on the mirror of our living room cabinet. Thank goodness that I remembered that until I can be happy and content with where I am at now I will not move forward with my life. No answers will come to me that will help to move me to the next life lesson to be mastered until I master the one the Universe is trying to teach me right now.  I also remembered that Bob's job is out of my control, and that I need to learn to let it go. When the the time is right for me to know if we are moving to Chicago (or somewhere else for that matter) then the Universe will let me know. Right now I live right here in my home in this city. That is all that matters.That is all that I need to know.

Miraculously, the tightening in my chest subsided, and the tears withdrew their assault on my face. I took a deep breathe and proceeded with my day as normal. I am getting better about the letting go of the unknown. Certainly, I am not perfect, but I am getting better. I will take small success any day of the week.

I have so much to be grateful for right here in my life in this house in this city with this family and with these friends. I don't want to rob my life HERE anymore with thoughts of the future being either HERE or THERE. I just want to get better about being HERE right now. And you know what? My hard work is slowly paying off.

On a side note - Bob has a very sweet Aunt who turned me on to this prayer that I have started saying in the morning when I wake up, and it has been an amazing help. (I also pulled it out this afternoon when I was having my mini meltdown about "my house" being looked at by someone else. (She believes that this poem came from St. Therese):

May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

The Universe completely amazes me sometimes. Here is the perfect prayer that sounds EXACTLY like what I need, and it was handed to me out of the blue by someone who cares. I take great comfort in that.