The Grocery Budget - When Mama Revolts

I am not very good at delayed gratification. I am getting better as I get older, but it is still something that I have to consciously work on day in and day out. Sometimes when I am too focused on the 500 million other things that I have to do each day as a mama (and I know you know what I mean) delayed gratification goes out the window.

It doesn't help much that I tend to be an all or nothing kinda girl. Either everything is perfect and wonderful or it is terrible and horrible. There generally aren't too many in-betweens.

Two days ago, I went to the store without a list and without cash. I was tired and hungry. (I seem to be having trouble following my grocery shopping commandments.) And as Squints from the Sandlot said, "I can't take it no more!".  I went into Natural Grocers and spent $50 on a bag of  organic cherries, Organic Valley butter, Garden of Eatin' chips, the best veggie burgers known to man, Rudi's organic whole wheat hamburger buns, Applegate Farms Salami, Organic Valley American Cheese, Niman Ranch hot dogs, Rudi's organic hot dog buns, 2 bags of Alexia french fries, organic kale, organic red leaf lettuce and 4 organic red Golden Crisp apples. I was just putting things in my cart without looking at the price. I didn't care that I had gone over my budget for the week. I just wanted food and I wanted easy food to make. The kids have a nickname for me when I become grouchy and grumpy: Gorzilla. (It's a pretty funny nickname, I know. I laugh every time they call me that which brings me right out of my grumpy mood.) It was definitely Gorzilla who went grocery shopping.

I was completely satisfied when I got home. The kids were in heaven. It was a glorious day.

And you know what? I did it again yesterday. I spent $37 on various items. Mostly fruit. For some reason we have all been on a fruit kick. I imagine it has something to do with the fact that we are no longer eating junk food snacks and there was most likely a lot of sugar in those and so our bodies are going into sugar withdrawal? I don't know. I don't really care either. I just know that watermelon, apples, cherries, bananas, and grapes are being eaten around here like the apocalypse is coming tomorrow.  And when you are trying to buy all organic those items are extremely expensive. (Although not as expensive as organic strawberries and raspberries which I still cannot get myself to pull the trigger on because no fruit it worth the amount the stores charge for them.)

I can completely relate to Squints. (If you have never seen the Sandlot - you must watch it. It is a classic movie.) I have been suppressing our food wants and suppressing our food wants (notice that I said wants and definitely not needs), and then Boom! my impulsive self took over so that I could instantly gratify myself with delicious food.

Of course, because I am me, I am wracked with guilt because, yes, I am trying to save myself some money here, but the main point in eating on a food stamp budget was to see and feel what it would be like to be in a situation where I had no choice. No fallback card. (See here if you don't know what I am referring to.) To walk in those families' shoes. To challenge myself to voluntarily sacrifice for the sake of knowing what it is like to do without. Because to tell you the truth, my kids don't know what a life without looks like. And neither do I. And neither does Bob.

I became convicted  to try this whole experiment because of a church sermon about how lucky Christian Americans are. How we have never truly had to put our faith on the line because we live charmed lives in comparison with those across the globe. Even the poorest of us have it better than a majority of people in the world. Which then got me to thinking about what would Jesus do? If I am truly trying to model and live my life like Jesus, what would he do? Would he live in a 3200 square foot house and have a $1200+ food budget? Ah, no. In fact he would look at someone like myself and make an example of the life I lead as a 'what not to do' because there is so much gluttony in my life from the amount of material possessions that we have, to the size of our home, to the amount of money we spend on ourselves, and the amount of money that we don't spend on others.


(Side bar here - please note that although our house is big it is not too fancy. It seems like every time I turn around there is something breaking or in need of repair. I don't want to make it sound like I live in this glorious gated community with a perfectly brand new gorgeous home. No. This is not what we are talking about. BUT, I do have more space and rooms than we need. The size of our home is embarrassing to me beacuse it is unnecessary. Gluttonous and showy - I think anyway. Our family would probably be comfortable in 1800 square feet. In fact, don't be surprised the next time we move that we buy a smaller house than we have now. I know that goes against conventional American standards here - make more money - buy a bigger and bigger house, but that's not how I roll. It wasn't how Bob and I rolled before and it won't be how we roll in the future. Inventory was low here for what we were looking for and we lost our way a bit when we purchased this house, but it won't happen again. Ok, back to the main point of this post...)

I have guilt because I know that Jesus would say, "Elicia, you don't really need all of this fruit. Stay within your budget and remember that there are those who go without fruit everyday not from lack of want, but from lack of choice."  So, this will be the thought in my head as I go to the grocery store for the next couple of weeks. The good news about this life is that every morning we are given a chance to start over. Today is a new day. New chances, New beginnings.