October Food Budget & Some MAJOR changes

I did better in October than I did in September. I would venture to say that I spent between $1700 - $1900 on food for the month of September. (Remember I didn't even bother to calculate the costs because I was so frustrated last month.)

This month I ended up spending $1238.94.

This amount is still a lot more than I want to spend, so I decided to make some drastic changes. First thing to note is that I went to the grocery store 20 times in the month of October! AND...because of the way this month fell I am only including the first 29 days of October in this month! I used to tease my grandmother - who am I kidding? I still do! - about her near daily grocery trips and how I am sure she was a on a first name basis with all of the grocery store employees. Well, I need to eat my words because that is now me! Anyway, going to the store that many times is ludicrous and costing me money. My goal is to cut that out for the month of November.

So here are the changes I made:

1.) I handed over the finances to Bob. (I know how much money he makes and how much money comes into this house which is why it was so easy for me to blow my grocery budget goal each week/month. If I am being completely honest with myself I fail at budgeting big time because I want what I want right now. Bob on the other hand is good at having a goal and then actually saving for that goal and doing what ever necessary to achieve that goal. I am impulsive. He is all about delayed gratification. Yin & Yang I suppose. He will be perfect at keeping me within my goal which is between $600 - $800 a month for food.

2.) I handed over both of our bank cards to Bob. We have two accounts. One at a local bank here in town and one with a national bank that just so happens to not have any branches here in town. (Go figure! Middle of the desert, not much around - I have no idea why my national bank wouldn't be here.) Because we knew that we would be moving again we decided to keep our national branch bank account assuming that we would once again move some where where we can use it once again. So, that card I don't use at the ATM, but I have been known from time to time to pull that baby out when I have gone over my cash limit at the store. I also handed over the local bank card because I have also been known from time to time to run to the bank for more cash during the week if I spent too much at the store. Basically, what I am saying here people is that I have absolutely no self control when it comes to money (and most other things, I am beginning to think). Because I now know this about myself I decided to eliminate the temptation to spend more money than I wanted to. It is kind of liberating and petrifying to have no access to cash other than what is in my wallet.

3.) I pay cash for everything now. No matter what.

4.) I am giving up buying 100% organic food. I cannot tell you the last time that I bought groceries for this house that was not organic. It is important to me to do so because I am afraid that the chemicals being strayed and used on our food are what is making diseases like Sarah's spring up. I am also afraid of GMO crops and I know that 100% organic, by law, cannot use GMO seeds. I cried yesterday when I went grocery shopping because I could not buy all organic items like I have been for the last year. I bought organic eggs, milk, chicken, and grass - finished beef, organic chicken stock, but the rest of my items were non-organic. It really upset me. I think Bob thought I was losing my mind that I was so upset over this, but feeding my kids 99% organic food is really, really important to me. Not being able to do this was heart breaking this week.

5.) My food budget will be changing week to week now. Bob has decided to take my food challenge a bit further (yeah, for me - note sarcasm) and has decided to give me a dollar amount each paycheck for me to use on ALL variable costs: food, gas, kids expenses, my expenses, Bob expenses. He is challenging me to learn to budget a small portion of our money, so that I will be a better steward with all of our money should I ever take over the finances again. I guess I understand why, but I hate it because the amount of money I used to spend on groceries each week has now become (most weeks) the dollar amount I have to spend on ALL expenses not just food. EEK!!!

Because I am only going to be shopping on Friday's now (I started yesterday) and maybe 1 other day for a quick run for fresh produce I decided to include the last 2 days of October in my November budget. We will see how it goes.

A Mentor For Sarah

One of the biggest struggles that Sarah has is that she feels alone. Even though she has plenty of friends and is presented with many social situations that loneliness feeling seems to follow her because she is the only blind person that she knows. I can completely understand why she feels this way.

I have searched for other kids like Sarah, but blindness in children isn't all too common. And in the couple of cases where we have had the option of being with others who are blind those children also have a myriad of other issues that made communicating difficult for them. Sarah is looking for someone who is like her. Someone who is "normal" (I hate to use that term, but I lack a better one right now) outside of their blindness. I can completely understand this desire too.

Being abled differently has taught Sarah (and all of my children) to reach out to those who are different and to be more compassionate and kind to all types of people. It has also taught them that even those who look different from us all have the same desires to be loved, makes friends, and experience happiness. So, Sarah's desire to find someone who is "only" blind isn't because she is snubbing others, but because she is looking for someone to talk to - to share experiences with - that only another blind person can relate to.

It just so happens that my desire to help Sarah and my ability to strike up a conversation with just about anyone opened up an avenue that allowed Sarah to find someone just like her (well, almost).

I was at a soccer game of Andy's and I noticed a young lady (I thought maybe a freshman in high school) who was blind. I watched her from a distance and hemmed and hawed about whether I was really going to introduce myself to her and explain why I was stalking her (although be blind she wouldn't have really known I was stalking her). I waited for a bit and decided that I was going to leave her alone, but if I happened to pass her again during the course of the soccer game I would approach her. Well, lo-and-behold I did pass her again and I followed her up the bleachers to where she was going to sit with her family. I really think her family thought I was crazy at first. I introduced myself and explained why I was approaching this young lady. She was very lovely and kind and didn't seem to mind my stalking her.

And that is how Sarah came to know Ana.

I found out that Ana is freshman in college. She has been blind her entire life, but has has more vision than Sarah does. We were invited to their home yesterday and I brought Sarah over to meet Ana and her family. It just so happens that Ana has a 12 year old sister who is very sweet. (Sarah will be 11 in December.) This was a double bonus because here is girl near Sarah's age who has been dealing with the blind all of her life through her sister. She understands what it means to have a sibling who cannot see. Along with just talking with Sarah about being blind and what that means for Ana she also showed Sarah all the technology that she uses to help assist her to write papers, do math homework, write emails, etc... She showed Sarah some tricks in using her cane and offered to help Sarah in any way that she could. Ana's mother is wonderful and although she does not speak any English I had a very good time using my limited Spanish (Thank you Andy and Josh!) to communicate with her. They are such a generous and giving family. They are going to be in touch with some people in the blind community who will be able to assist Sarah in some mobility training and just some companionship.

She is freezing in this picture!

Sarah was very quiet the hour and a half that we were with Ana and her family. I thought that she didn't have a good time, but when we left Ana's home Sarah got the biggest smile on her face. She was so happy to finally meet someone who was just like her.

Today I Lived - Hands Free Mama Poem

I have been thinking about a lot lately. Mostly, I have been thinking about my husband and children what is working in this house right now and what is not. I have also been thinking about myself and my role as a mama and homemaker. I am examining what I am doing right and what I need to work on. These last couple of weeks have been a time of great reflection for me.

Whenever I feel that changes need to be made I always turn to books: parenting book, homemaking books, housekeeping books, homeschooling books. I pick a variety of authors (a lot of the time they are authors that I have read before and their books resonate a truth I know to be mine within me) and I read and read. I take notes when I feel the book has something that I want to incorporate and then once I feel satisfied with that information I have gleamed from these books I present them to my family or I just begin implementing them if it is something that pertains solely to me.

I have always found this method to be comforting when I feel that things have gone astray or off track in our home. I always feel inspired that I can right our course to the one that I know is authentic to our family. It has been a while since I have delved into my books like this, but it is definitely time. One of the books that I am reading is called Hands Free Mama. I have read this book before, but felt that I needed to come back to it. I am glad I did so. As I was skimming through the book last night trying to remember what I had read before I came across the poem below by the author of the book. This poem hit me like a wave. Maybe it will touch you too...

Today I Lived and You Did Too

Today I was awakened by the sound of shuffling feet.

It was my early-bird riser in her big sister’s pajamas that drug across the floor.

I wanted to pull the covers over my head and feign sleep.

But instead I got up and made toaster waffles that she said tasted “divine.”

She kissed me with syrupy sweet lips.

Getting up wasn’t my first response. But I did it.

Today I lived.

Today she lost her shoes for the 37th time in two weeks.

It was right before we needed to head out the door.

I wanted to scream, to scold, to throw my hands in the air.

But instead I held her. I held her. My shoeless girl.

Together we found them wet with dew in the backyard and she whispered, “Sorry, I am forgetful, Mama.”

Being calm wasn’t my first response. But I did it.

Today I lived.

Today the birds chirped noisily through the open back door.

Their cheerful chatter seemed to accentuate the deadlines, the laundry, the mess piled up around me.

I wanted to slam the door and silence the temptation; there was so much to do.

But instead I put on my running shoes and my favorite hat.

With each step, I got closer to what mattered and farther from what didn’t.

Letting go wasn’t my first response. But I did it.

Today I lived.

Today I stood in front of the mirror sizing myself up.

It was apparent that stress and lack of sleep had left their mark.

I wanted to dissect each wrinkle, pinch each layer of soft skin

But instead I looked away and said, “Not today. Only love today.”

Loving myself wasn’t my first response. But I did it.

Today I lived.

Today I threw together a simple dinner and scooped it onto the plate.

It looked pathetic and unappealing.

I wanted to question my worthiness based on my cooking skills.

But instead I hollered, “Let’s eat outside on the porch! Everything tastes better outside.”

Offering myself grace wasn’t my first response. But I did it.

Today I lived.

Today I was on a mission to tuck my child into bed as quickly as possible.

It had been a tiring day, and I just wanted to be alone.

She asked if she could listen to my heartbeat.

Reluctantly, I lay down beside her and she drew her head to my chest.

“We have the same heartbeat,” she announced.

“How do you know?” I asked expecting some child-like reasoning, but instead her poignant response brought me to my knees.

“Because you are my mom.”

And there it was. My confirmation.

To choose to stay when I want to retreat.

To choose to forgive when I want to condemn.

To choose to love when I want to attack.

To choose to hope when I want to doubt.

To choose to stand when I want to fall.

Today I lived.

It wasn’t my first response.

But I share the same heartbeat with two precious souls.

And that’s enough to get me through the day.

I will choose to live again tomorrow

(Poem courtesy of: handfreemama.com)

Sarah & Magic

It never ceases to amaze me how when one door closes another one opens. Sarah had been taking horseback riding lessons about 30 minutes from our house. The woman who was giving the lessons worked a full time job and fit students in for private lessons when ever she had time. Her personal schedule was filling up which meant that she had less time to offer lessons - understandable, but not ideal for a little girl who loves horses and riding very much. 

A prominent member in our homeschooling community, who knows Sarah, sent me a link for a horse sanctuary in town that offered horseback riding lessons. I reached out to the owner of the sanctuary and explained our situation and asked if she would mind taking the time to allow Sarah to ride her one of her horses. She replied that she would love to meet Sarah first and see which of her rescued horses would fit Sarah the best. 

We went out to the sanctuary and met the owner - who is a wonderful woman. She is kind and generous and loves these animals that she has worked so hard to rescue. Immediately upon meeting Sarah she knew that Magic would be the perfect horse for Sarah to ride on.  She brought Magic from his stall and allowed for him to meet this new strange little girl before him. A connection was made. 

As silly as that may sound from the very beginning Magic and Sarah knew they had something special. Sarah now goes out to the sanctuary at least once a week to take care of Magic. She brushes him and loves on him and spoils him with treats. No other volunteer spends the time with Magic that Sarah does. She is his human, as the owner of the sanctuary likes to say. 

Of all of the horses Sarah has ridden Magic is by far her favorite. She loves that she gets to go out to the sanctuary any time she wants to take care of "her" horse. I love that he makes my girl so happy.

A Homemaker's Prayer

(Prayer courtesy of: simplelivingmama.com)

Nothing Left Unspoken

If my grandmother is the heart of our family (and she certainly is) then my grandfather is its soul. I cannot imagine a life without one's heart and soul. My grandfather is 83 years young. He has almost always (except for a few heart issues here and there) been in pretty good shape. He certainly is the only grandfather that I know that had (when he was working & did heavy lifting at the age of 70) pretty significant arm muscles. And he is the only man that I know that the whole world seems to be enamored by whenever he is around.

If you have spent any time reading this blog you know that my grandfather is pretty important to me. In fact, outside of my mother, my grandfather is  the biggest influence in my life. He is so much a part of me that I sometimes do not know where I begin and he ends. I have had times in my life where instead of asking, "What would Jesus do?" I have asked myself, "What would Grandpa do?". He is just that kind of person. I do know anyone who doesn't gravitate towards him. He is that rare genuine person who brings out the best in people and is a person who I would love to be just a fraction like. He is that good. Seriously.

So, when I get a frantic call from my mother that my grandfather has fallen and has been rushed to the hospital where he was not only admitted for a possible stroke, but needed to have 20-some staples put into his head to close up his wound from his fall, I think it is fair to say that my own heart stops a beat. Because for me my grandfather is not only my hero, but he is a superhero, and superheros aren't human. When reality hits and I have to face the fact that my grandfather is a mere mortal and that he is going to succumb to mere mortal issues like falling and having his body fail him (even if only temporarily) it catches me off guard.

You see, I am the luckiest girl in the world for many reasons, but one of the greatest is because I was given the gift (and it truly is a gift) of having my grandfather in my life. From the time I began to realize that there were some people in my life who were going to be more special to me than others (and I think we all have these people) my grandfather was number 1 on that special list. When I was little I used to leave him notes under his pillow telling him how much I loved him. I would tell him that he was my most favorite person in the whole wide world and that I did not need for him to respond back, (Mostly I would tell him this because I could not bare to be told that I was not his most favorite special person in the whole wide world in return.)  As I got older I would mail him cards or letters letting him know just how special he was and very much still is to me.

He is the only person in this whole wide world whom I have left nothing unspoken. I have always told him exactly how much I loved him and how special he was to me. I have done this for no one else - not Bob, not even my kids. There are many reasons for this, I suppose. I think that the most significant is because I have felt only true unconditional love from my grandfather. I have never, ever felt judged or rejected by him. Never felt the sting of harsh and cold hurtful words. He has never given his opinion when he thinks I am making a mistake or being silly. When he hasn't supported something I was doing he was just quiet and let me figure out my own life. I have only received praise and love and support from him. Always. I have no other relationship in my life where that exists.

When it is my time for my grandfather to enter heaven (and I have no doubt that is where I will meet him) - and no, this is not the time, as he is expected to make a full recovery from his fall - I will never regret things left unsaid with him because there is nothing that I have left unsaid. That freedom of knowing that he and I will always know how much I adore him is a special gift. I may not be his favorite grandchild - he is way too classy to ever let on if he has a favorite - let alone who it would be if he does, but I do know that we will always have a special connection. And I will carry that with me for all of the days of my life.

I wish everyone had a grandpa like mine. He is just that amazing.

Throwing In The Towel

Throwing my kids into public school and going out and getting a full time job seems quite glorious right now. I know that if I actually did those things I would hate every minute of it, but right now the grass looks so much greener on the other side of the fence.

My kiddos, I hate to say it, are driving me insane. Their bad habits seem amplified right now and I cannot help but see them as a reflection of all that I am doing wrong in parenting them.

The version of the English language that I use to communicate with them is not compatible with their hearing capabilities as of late, and I wonder if I shouldn't start to speak another language to them entirely.

I would love for someone else to take charge of them for 6-8 hours a day 5 days a week. Someone else to deal with their attitudes and habits. Imagine a break from my kids 5 days a week for 8+ hours a day. To be alone! Without someone yelling, "Mom!" or if they are particularly whiny, "MMMMOOOOOOMMMMM!!!".

I would love to be able to share the blame in their laziness, bad attitudes, bad habits. After all, if they were in public school I could blame the kids they were hanging out with or the teachers they had for their bad attitudes. (Actually, I wouldn't do that because my kids are in charge of their own behaviors, but it's nice to feel like I could blame someone else if I wanted to.)

As a stay-at-home homeschooling mama my kids behaviors (or lack-there-of) are completely on me. I have no one else to point the finger at. It is also completely on me to make sure that they are ready to legally face the world when they are 18 despite the fact that they may not be emotionally, mentally, or financially ready. They do not have any special mentors or adults in their lives to help shape them into the people they are becoming each and every day. They have me. Good old me with all of my own imperfections and struggles (and positive attributes too).This overwhelming feeling is multiplied when you move your family 1700 miles away from their home base and then still decide to be a stay-at-home homeschooling mama.

Lately, when I look at my kids all I seem to be able to see is all the ways that I am not preparing them for the adult world. I feel confident that a public school would be just as inadequate, but at least I could feel like it was a joint failed effort, right?

I want my kids to be authentic. I want them to be grounded. I want them to have grateful hearts. I want them to have an amazing work ethic. I want them to know that nothing is handed to them. Everything in life must worked for - usually from the ground up. I want them to know what responsibility is. I want them to be honest. I want them to challenge thoughts that do not sit right with them even if it means challenging me.

Right now it seems like I am preparing them to have none of those attributes. I have a 15 year old son who lives with his head in the clouds. You cannot live an adult life with your head in the clouds.I have a 13 year old son who is very one dimensional - what if his dreams don't come true? What will he have to fall back on?  I have a 10 (almost 11) year old daughter who struggles most days to just get through the day physically. What do you even do with that as a parent?  I have a 9 year old daughter who will be working at the local Hooters at 17 because she lied about her age and said she was 18. Enough said on that one.

I just feel like I have been treading water for a bit too long and I cannot sustain the pace any longer. I either need to get out of the water all together or get a different method of trying to keep my head above it because life right now is just not working out in a way that is going to keep me sane for much longer.

Dear God, please tell me I am not alone.

192 - What I Am Doing About It

Remember when I posted this and this about my weight and more importantly about my health? Well, on August 23 I decided to make some changes in my life. I didn't want to write about them at first because I have been on weight loss journeys before and I know how sometimes they can falter. I wanted to make sure that I was for real this time. 

For the last 8 weeks or so I have been steadily working to lose weight. I have now lost 12 pounds. I knew that losing weight was not going to be as easy as it has been in the past. Being 36 and not 30 or 24 (or any other age I have tried to lose weight at) is a lot different. Instead of melting off the pounds seem to want to cling on to me. In previous attempts to lose weight I would have given up trying because I wasn't losing weight as fast as I wanted to. I would have been discouraged and quit.

Not this time. 

Each of the 12 pounds I have lost I did so by working - hard. None of these pounds have been easy for me to lose. Each of them has been a victory in its own right. I know what it took to lose each and every pound of fat from my body and I worked so hard that I will not allow those pounds to come back. Ever. 

I still have a looonnnnggggg way to go. I know that. I wasn't going to share my weight loss with you until I had lost 20 pounds, but I realize that this might take me until Christmas or beyond and I wanted to share my journey with you before then.  My goal is to reach 145 - 160 pounds. I know that my body will let me know when it is at its optimal body weight which is why there is a 15 pound swing. 

Losing weight is different this time. I am not jumping around when I lose each pound celebrating as I have before. I have picked 3 weight milestones - 180, 160, and then if I can get there, 145 in which to celebrate. In the meantime I am just keeping my head down and grinding out my game plan each and every day. I know that the weight loss is real because I have made some pretty big changes in my life that I know are here to stay because I have been doing them faithfully for the last 8 weeks. 

I have not used any magic pills or potions to lose my weight. I have done it the old fashioned way by eating healthier and exercising. 

These are the changes that I have made:

1.) I changed my diet back to a vegan diet. (I believe the politically correct verbiage is: plant based diet.) I have, a handful of times, cheated and eaten a snack that was not vegan (think delicious nachos and cheese), but for the most part I am eating vegan foods. 

2.) I am taking a vegan B-complex vitamin. 

3.) I am working out. 6 days a week most weeks.

Here is my exercise routine: 

I walk (very fast) 4-6 days a week. I walk anywhere between 1.7 to 4.7 miles up and down our hilly neighborhood. 

I lift weights every other day.

I do 25 sit ups daily.

I plank daily for 45 seconds.

When I picked my exercise routine I knew that this would be the most crucial part of losing weight for me. I have always been a fast walker and I enjoy walking, so I thought why not just do something I am naturally good at as my exercise? I have never been able to stick with an exercise regime - even when I lost 30 pounds once before. I knew that because I am older my weight would not fall off as easily as it has in the past so exercise was going to be key for me to shed my pounds for good. I had to pick something that I actually enjoyed doing. 

I add something every few weeks in terms of working out. In the next week I will pick something else to add and then do so along with upping my planking time and number of sit ups that I do. Eventually, I would like to buy myself a bike and start biking as well to shake up my cardio routine, but for now walking is plenty for me. 

I love working out now. I never have before. It is a great release for me. I feel like I am officially part of the "regular workout club". It feels good. 

My favorite part of working out is after I am done when I am cooling off and I can feel the sweat pouring off of my body. That to me is a sign of my hard work. It is the best reward (after losing the weight and toning up my body) that I can think of.  There is nothing better than being drenched in your own sweat after a good hard workout. It gives me a high unlike any I have ever experienced. I love it. 

So that's where I am at. If you are in a spot where you would like to lose some weight my advice to you is to wait until you are truly ready. You will know when that time is. Don't try because you think your friends think you should lose weight or because your family members think you should lose weight. Do it for yourself and yourself alone. It is only at that time when something clicks inside of you that you will be truly ready to do what it takes to be the healthiest version of yourself. There is no need to start and stop and start and stop again. That life is discouraging. I have lived that life. Just wait. When you are ready you will know and you will be successful because you are losing weight and getting healthy for the best person possible: you. 

A New Day Came

Yesterday was a bad day. Not an awful one, as I have experienced what I would classify as truly awful and I know the difference between bad and awful days. How about less than stellar? Maybe that would be a good way to classify yesterday.

After I posted by blog about the day it just kept on going in the same fashion. Bob did end up working late as I had suspected and by the end of the evening I sent him a text that I was waving my white flag and that he needed to come home NOW. Lucky for us both he was already on his way home and I was able to have someone to share the last remaining bits of my evening with him.

I woke up today and began a new day. A new beginning for which I was very thankful for. The day turned out to be a good one. I was able to straighten up the house last night (I had assigned it to today's 'To Do' list) and began the day with a clean house. That is always glorious. The laundry is completed. (Even though I have about 10 loads needing to be folded, but I am saving that for Sunday so that I can watch the NFL while "doing something" and not having mama guilt about not being more productive with my time.) I was able to make a grocery list and shop. The kids completed all of their assigned school work. I made a game plan for next weeks school work (which usually doesn't happen until Sunday). I made cookies with the girls. Made pancakes for breakfast. And have a game plan for dinner. The kids are playing nicely and have been doing a great job with my electronics ban in the house. (Well, except for a quick check of my email and a blog post). I exercised with Bob this morning. And, the best part of all, Bob went into work late to make up for the last couple of days and their craziness.

In a weird way I am thankful for bad days because it makes appreciate the good days all that much more. Life is good in Las Cruces!

Schlepping Through The Day

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you are just schlepping your way through it? The kinda day where nothing major happens, but instead a bunch of little things become one big thing until you get to the point where you cannot wait for the day to end? Today is one of those days for me.

I have had it up to here with some of the bad behaviors that my boys have developed. The master plan that I had for the school week hasn't quite gone the way I wanted it to. The co-op that we joined is cramping my style because it falls on an already super busy day of the week making me very grateful it will be done next week. The house work is piling up. The cupboards are almost empty and, God-forbid, my kids get creative with their snacks! The dinner that I thought I had all of the ingredients for it turns out that I do not have all of the ingredients for. The cookies I wanted to bake this afternoon cannot be made without the flour that I do no have enough of. Bob worked a long day yesterday and went into work early again today only to be home at close to the usual time tonight (even though he said he was going to be home early - it doesn't ever really work out that way).  It is one of those days.

So, today when I think that I am alone in having a bad day I will remember you. Because even though I keep telling myself that surely everyone else has it together except for me. I know better. I know that tomorrow I may have a great day and perhaps you will be stumbling through yours. It is just part of being a human, but especially part of being a mama.

A Special Visitor

My mom has always been very vested in my kids lives. From the moment she knew that I was pregnant with Andy instead of freaking out as I was sort of expecting her to because his pregnancy was unexpected and less than ideal she embraced him with every bit of her being. From that point on she has made my children (and now my sister's children and my brother's child) her life. Lately, she has been hard on herself wondering if she was an outcast or seen in poor light because she focused so much on her grandchildren and their lives instead of investing her time in friendships and a life outside of them. I was shocked that she even had these thoughts because I thought that her investment would be so obvious to see, but perhaps it is not. Sometimes it is hard for all of us to see what is right in front of us, so I thought I would write a bit about how much my kids adore her and what she means to them and to us.

Bob and I learned early on that we could count on my mom to bend over backwards to help us out with childcare. On that rare night that Bob and I had the ability to go out on a date we knew that my mom would always take care of Andy (and then the other kids that followed). We knew that she loved being with them and that they weren't a burden to her. This meant the world to Bob and I as it provided a means of support that we so desperately needed as young parents.

My mom (and dad) have never had a ton of money, but because they chose to put their grandchildren first they had a lot of time. That is more valuable to children than money any day of the week. The time spent with my mom was spent playing, baking, taking walks, going to the park, playing games. You name it - my mom took the time to do it with my kids and by doing so she learned a lot about who they are as people.

By being so vested in their lives, over the years, she has learned each of my children's unique personality. She knows what each child likes and doesn't like. She knows the names of their friends and their interests. She values them. She always has.

When kids are little they don't pay too much attention to who they are spending their time with. They know they are with loved ones and they know they are happy, but children live so much in the moment that they do not spend their time calculating who has spent what time with them. But as kids grow they learn to look ahead and behind them and can add up memories and they begin to see who has been a part of them. For my kids it is my mom that makes up most of their memories.

Every soccer game she could attend, every play, every concert, every boy scout event, first horseback riding lessons, dance classes, award ceremonies - you name it. My mom has been there. And my kids know it - my boys especially. They have always known that their Nana loves them, not because of the things she bought them, but because of the time she has spent being a part of their lives. The boys always knew when she wasn't at a soccer game because they felt her absence. And they also knew that the only reason she wasn't at a game or an event was because she was at work. That was the only reason that she ever missed anything that they were involved in and often times she would try and change her schedule to accommodate their events. This has always meant a lot to them.

When Bob and I  knew that we were moving telling my mom was the hardest person to tell because we knew how much our kids meant to her. We knew that taking them far away would break her heart. But we also knew that she would remain involved in their lives no matter how far apart we are. And she has. She asks about every game, and when I can remember to do so, I text her the score and Andy's playtime as each game is going on. She sends packages and letters to the kids. She talks to them from time to time via Face time. They always look for her packages and when an unexpected box arrives on the doorstep their first guess is that the package is from Nana. And they are usually right.

When Andy was struggling with soccer this summer/fall she made it a point to send him a letter or two a week for many weeks encouraging and just letting him know that she was with him in spirit. He would get those letters and immediately steal away into his room to read them in private. I do not know what those notes said, but I do know that they meant an awful lot to Andy.

When Josh injured his knee she would ask about him every time I talked to her to make sure he was ok. She makes it a point to make sure that Sarah is feeling okay and knows very well the issues of an autoimmune disease as she herself has MS. She can relate to Sarah's symptoms in a way that no one else I know can and has a way of drawing information out of Sarah that I do not have the ability to do. She planted a garden with Elizabeth - buying both herself and Elizabeth matching gardens that they could paint and create together. She would send Elizabeth pictures of hers so that they could share something together even though they are 1700 miles apart.

When my mom booked her plane ticket to come down here months and months ago she began a countdown so that she knew exactly just how many days until she could see her grandkids again. That countdown is down to 9 days. In 9 days my kids will get to see one of their favorite people in the whole wide world. They get to be with someone who knows them through and through. They get to see a familiar face  that offers up only  love and support.

All my mom wants to do when she visits is just see the kids in their every day lives. So, I plan on taking Sarah to a horseback riding lesson and Elizabeth will show my mom her gymnastics moves. Andy has a soccer game and Josh will be traveling to Albuquerque to try out for a special soccer team. And we will take my mom to the zoo. All she wants is to spend time with her grandkids. To just be with them. And they know that. Although Elizabeth is still little and lives very much in the moment Andy, Josh, and even Sarah somewhat know that the someone who loves them and has invested her life in them is coming to see them - and they cannot wait.

Children are only small for a very little bit of time and then they grow. My mom knew that she would only have a small window of time to create the best and strongest ties with each of my children. By putting aside everything else and just being there for them as they have grown from babies, to toddlers, to kids, to adolescents, and now some of them - to teenagers  she has given them the best gift they could ever ask for: herself and her time. I cannot think of a better way to spend one's life.




9 more days! We cannot wait.

My Electronic Challenge

As a mama I have met here in Las Cruces noted on my blog I am in the process of climbing back out of the hole I have created for myself by being plugged into my electronics too much. I cannot escape electronics altogether. Too much our society functions solely through them. No longer do we get phone calls about changes in sports practices or dance lessons. Instead we get texts. No longer do we get letter mail notifying us of news. We get email instead. Therefore, because just about all of society functions solely through electronics, so must I.

I am challenging myself to seriously cut down on how much of my time I spend plugged in. My goal is to not be on electronics at all 3 days a week unless my telephone rings. (No texts, emails, television, blogging, etc...) The rest of the days of the week I am going to limit my time spent on the computer or my phone to just 30 minutes. I am going to cut TV down to only NFL football games and only 2 games on Sunday.

This challenge will be hard for me as I have gotten myself into a pretty deep hole of electronic dependence. I am excited though to see how much of my time I gain back and how much more I can get done in my day.