A Woman of Leisure

 The house is spic and span. All of the laundry is washed and put away. The dogs have been walked, and all of the other tasks I had hoped to get through today have been completed. 

And I am all alone. 

Usually when I am alone, I have a large 'to do' list. It is so very rare for me to be alone and have nothing to do but enjoy myself. 

Where is everyone? Good question. Andy is working in Ohio, Joshua is at Belmont College, Sarah is at UNCG, and Bobby & Elizabeth on are their way to a Hozier concert. 

As I write this, I am sitting on the back patio. The sun is shining, and the weather is about 72 degrees. It is perfect out. I have my dinner on a plate beside me, a book in front of me, and an ice cold glass of water too. With the exception of watching Jeopardy from 7 - 7:30 pm, I plan on having an electronic free night doing anything I damn well please. 

What a gift this evening is. What a beautiful way to finish a day. 

When The Show Comes To Town

 I like to plan things out. I find that I am most productive when I have a ‘to do’ list, and generally live my best life when all goes according to plan. 

But…sometimes that doesn’t quite happen. Sometimes everything that can go wrong in a day does. Sometimes that ‘to do’ list doesn’t see the light of day because from the moment I wake up the shit show begins. 

Today was one of those days. I finally realized late this afternoon that I just needed to surrender to the day, cut my losses, and begin again tomorrow. 

Easter 2024

We seem to have started a couple of traditions in our extended family, one of which is celebrating Easter (well, the pagan celebration because no one out of our whole crew, except for my mom and maybe my dad,  is remotely religious) at my brother and sister-in-law’s house every year. 

The get together includes my parents, sister (and her family), me (and my family), and my brother (and his family). Because my sister and I chose to procreate a little bit more than the average American family, we have a minimum of 18 people at these yearly get-togethers. 

My siblings and I have children that range in age from 5 - 23, which makes for a combination of chaos and fun. 

Every year since my kiddos were little my mom has put on an Easter Egg hunt for all of her grandchildren. They each wear their bunny ears and look for eggs around the yard of wherever we are celebrating Easter at. (In years past, when we lived in Ohio, we would have our Easter get-together at my parent’s house. We switched it to my brother’s house once we moved to Indiana since his place was about half-way between all of the families.)

My mom puts a tremendous amount of work into this hunt making sure everyone has the same amount of eggs to look for filled with treats or small gifts that that particular grandchild will love. 

After the egg hunt we will have a nice meal and then we all head back home to our respective homes. (We arrive at my brother’s house on Friday night and/or Saturday morning.) 

After a weekend of fun, we are all ready to be in our own spaces, and my brother (and family) are ready to have their house to themselves again. 

 

Spring Cleaning

 The house is about due for a good, deep cleaning. I find myself drawn to do so twice a year, once in the fall and once in the spring. There is something about tucking the house in for the winter and then walking it up for the coming summer that energizes me. 

It takes me quite a bit of time to go through everything to either wash it, organize it, donate it, or throw it away - the ‘it’ being all of our possessions, and then to give those spaces that house our possessions a thorough scrub down. In the thick of doing so, I find myself wondering why the heck I am putting so much of my life’s energy into doing so, but that question is always answered when I have completed my spring/fall cleaning as I step back and smell a deeply cleaned house and see it organized to perfection (or at least what I envision as perfection). 

The joy I get from experiencing the completed task is completely worth the effort. 

Time to get to work - summer will be here in these parts before I know it and I have a house to wake up from a winter slumber! 

A Dog Named Miles

Loving Miles has been so easy for our family.  Having this little boy has brought us so much joy. It is still hard for some of us to believe that we actually have a retriever again after not having one for so long. I cannot imagine the rest of my life without at least one, but preferably two (or even three!). 

Miles is a little rascal at times, as all little boys (and girls) are, but this is outweighed by how sweet, smart, and cuddly he is. He appears to love everyone pretty equally (which has not been our experience with Max where I would say that I am his clear favorite with Sarah being a very close second). He definitely needs his exercise or else he becomes a terror, which isn't the worst thing in the world for us as it gets us outside exercising regularly too. 

I am so glad that Santa brought Miles to us on Christmas morning. He has been the best gift yet. 

"Karen" working hard to get the neighborhood scoop.

Garage hangs with the boys. 

First snuggles with Max.

I could just eat him up. 

Miles trying to play with Maxi. Eventually, Miles wore Max down, and now they play pretty regularly. 

He's everybody's sleeping buddy. 

Grocery runs. 

Such a rascal.

Somebody's got a super hard life....

A scary sound in the neighborhood made Miles feel the need to be held by Bobby. 

Another scary sound. Clearly, Miles does not realize that he is no longer lap-dog size. 

"Thanks for saving me, Mom."

Someone found some mud to play in at the undeveloped part of our neighborhood. 

This dog was not supposed to be in our bed, but as you can see by the numerous bed shots, this rule clearly did not stick. 

Morning snuggles.

Miles wasn't supposed to be allowed on the couch. Then he wasn't supposed to be allowed on the couch unless he was laying on top of a blanket...

Walks in the woods. 

 

A Visit From My Long-Time Companion

 I feel it days before, at first it is just random thoughts, but as the days pass those thoughts become more intense; then comes the tightening of the chest and the feeling I cannot get a full breath. I feel frozen. Frozen from living my life and doing normal activities. Chores pile up and everyday household tasks seem insurmountable. Days pass and my chest tightens some more and regular breathing, at times, seems like it has to be a conscious activity because if it is not - it won't happen on its own. 

This is what a visit from my longtime companion, anxiety, feels like.

Gatherings of people of any kind - family, friends, strangers create an environment where she takes center stage. She loves creating havoc in my life in the days preceding such an event. I know that I have the ability to live a life without her, but her roots seem so imbedded in my psyche that I do not yet have the tools to permanently separate her from my truest self. She has led me to believe that we are one being, and although after months and months of seeking out professional help and doing some hard solo work I know that this is not the case, I still have not managed to get rid of her - only how to manage anxiety when she appears in my everyday life. Because gatherings are not a part of my everyday life, she still has a pretty good hold on me when those situations appear. 

I know that someday I will be able to live my life without her, but until then I have to just deal with her the best I can. Some days are easier than others. Some days are just downright hard. 

Elizabeth’s Fall Soccer Season 2023

Two years ago, Elizabeth started playing soccer for the most wonderful coach. This man was able to turn Elizabeth into a solid defender all without screaming and yelling like so many coaches do at the high school level. Her coach had a way with all of his high school girls that allowed them to flourish. Elizabeth improved so much that she was able to try out (and make) a club team which begins in the fall of 2024. (Girls public school soccer is played in the spring here in North Carolina.) 

I think she would have considered just staying on this current recreational team if her coach was going to continue doing so, but his daughter graduated a year ago, and he chose to stay on and coach these girls for an additional season because he was so in demand. This was so kind of him to do as, unlike club soccer, his position was strictly voluntary with no salary of any kind. 

Bobby and I (particularly Bobby as he took Elizabeth to her practices since he was an assistant coach) are thankful that she is no longer playing for this organization as it was 50+ minutes away depending on traffic. Driving an hour and a half - minimum - for an hour practice each week (and weekend games) got tiring. Her new team practices 4-6 minutes down the road. 

While I am thankful for this team and its ability to give Elizabeth some of the confidence back that she lost while playing on her Indiana team, I am looking forward to what lies ahead of her with this new team.