Hola!

We just got our internet hooked up this evening which is why there has been a delay in hearing from me. I have so much to share with you, but for now I need to go to bed. All is wonderful here. We miss you all terribly, but love the area and our home. More to share in the coming days!

This LIfe

Today the moving company is sending out three people to pack up our home here in Ohio. Tomorrow all of our possessions will be loaded onto a truck and shipped down to New Mexico. Our time here, in this city that has been our home for the past 15 years, is quickly coming to an end.

The kids and I are going to stay at the house tonight instead of going to a hotel, per their request,  and we will be having a camp out on one of our bedroom floors upstairs. We will be sharing memories, walking through concerns, and bringing to close one chapter of our lives.

I am so grateful for this home right now. Grateful for the memories we have shared here. Babies we have brought home to this house. Birthday parties, Christmas, bringing Lily home for the first time, moments with friends and family...all of it.

 I had a calm wash over me last night. Perhaps it was the grace of God?  I don't know, but either way I knew that stressing out about this house was no longer an option. This house will sell (or not sell) when it is meant to do so. My stressing out about it is not going go to hurry that sale up.It is just going to make my life more difficult. I sent up a prayer of gratitude, and let it go. I fell asleep last night, for the first time in so long, without any trouble.

I am filled with a deep sense of gratitude for all of those who have made our lives what it is. Both those little moments and the big ones have gotten us to this point. I am forever thankful.

It will be about a week or so before I can post again. The moving truck is scheduled to arrive by next Tuesday ( 8 days from now) in New Mexico. By the time we unpack, etc...it may be a bit before I can sign in again. Rest assured, I will do so as soon as I can to give you the first glimpses of our lives as New Mexicans.

With much love....

How I Wish...

As I was sitting at a soccer game tonight sandwiched between a good friend and my mother I couldn't help but think about how I wish I was content to stay. How I desperately wish that I didn't yearn to show my children different parts of the country.  How I wish that I could be perfectly content to live and die in the city I reside in right now, and never have a regret about doing so.

I know so many people who will reside in this town for the rest of their lives, and will be perfectly content to do so. I envy those people right now. I envy those people because they will never have to tear their children away from beloved friends and family members. They will never have to question if they are doing the right thing - because for them staying is a no brainer. For those people - they look at people like me and cannot fathom a life of traveling from place to place. The thought of doing so never crosses their minds or if it does it is done with disdain.

But for me - I couldn't imagine staying. I yearn to see the country and show my children the country. Right or wrong - I have this undeniable yearning to expose them to different cultures and societies. I want them to learn that it is okay to leave because those that are meant to stay in your life will do so no matter where you are. I want them to learn that it is okay to try something new - even if it is incredibly scary - because something great may come of that risk.

But... then I hear about plans for the future in my own community. Plans friends are making. Soccer team plans for the indoor season and spring. Plans that will happen without us because we will be far away. It is then, in those times, when it is hardest to imagine us leaving because those plans were supposed to be ours. Of course, life goes on for everyone, us leaving is not the end of the world.  The lives of those we love will continue on here -albeit without us.

Leaving is so hard. I knew it would be hard, but it is even harder than I thought. I watched Josh tonight hanging out with his best friend at the soccer game, and I couldn't help but think that I was a terrible person for tearing these two boys apart. (I have been having these feelings every time I see my children with their friends enjoying themselves and having fun.) In one week they will have said good-bye to each other (at least until we visit again around Christmas). Just one week! How many good times shared and memories created am I taking away from both of these boys just because I have an adventurous heart? Just because I want to provide something different for my four children?

I hate this part of moving. I absolutely hate it - I feel broken into a million piece. In some ways I cannot wait for this next week to be over because maybe once we are in New Mexico it won't hurt so badly. But then, the thought crosses my mind that maybe it will hurt more because I will be somewhere new, and I will know what I am missing back at home. I will know that everyone that I love and that my kids love are carrying on with their lives without us.

 How I wish that staying was enough and that I would never want more out of life than that. Because then it wouldn't hurt so much right now.

When Something Once Loved Becomes A Burden

I have lived in this current home of ours for 11 years. For most of those years I have loved this space. Sure, there were parts of it that I would have liked to tweak, but for the most part, it was a good house. Bob grew tired of this place long before I did. He has been itching to get out of here for years. Where I saw things as quaint he saw then as unbearably small.  The tight spaces that I learned to live with he learned to grow agitated with.

Eventually, I too, grew tired of this space. Once that happened everything that I once loved about this house became the very same things I disliked about it. I felt trapped by it. Stuck. When Bob and I decided to take this promotion with his current employer never in a million years did I think I would have the trouble selling this house that I am. There have been so many people to come through and provide positive feedback on it, but none who have loved it enough to call it their own. I cannot seem to give it away.

I try so hard to look at this house as I once did, so that I can leave it on good terms. I want to be able to remember all of the good it brought - all of the great memories. I don't want to leave this house with the feeling that it is hindering my progress to move forward. I don't want to see it as a burden, and to feel that weight in my dreams anymore.

This house will be a good home to the next person who buys it. Based on our current asking price there is equity already. The bones of the house are good. The neighbors are kind and I know that I could go to them in times of need. It is next to a park and there are plenty of children in the neighborhood.

We stayed in this home too long. What was once a home is now just a house us. Even if we weren't moving across the country we still would have needed to move to a new home in our current community because I can no longer see the beauty here. I am hoping once it is sold I can regain some of those wonderful memories I cherished so much, but for now I cannot wait to leave it all behind.

I am blessed

I think that it is completely fair to say that I have been truly blessed when it comes to my children. So far, I have yet to deal with many of the struggles a lot of parents face, especially when it comes to teenagers. My first (and only right now) teenager is Andy who happens to still be one of the sweetest young men I know. He is not the moody, sullen, mouthy, secretive teenager I expected once his 13th birthday arrived. Maybe he is unique among my children and my other three will make up for his lack of typical teenage behavior, but maybe they won't.

I would like to think that part of the reason Andy has been such an easy teenager is because my children and I have an open door policy when is comes to communication. My kids know that they can come to me and talk to me about anything. And I mean anything. I don't judge them for their questions or ridicule them - we just have an open dialogue about whatever it is that is on their minds. I enjoy these conversations, and I get the impression that they do too. This helps me to learn more about them and their thoughts as they share their lives with me, and helps me to see where they are potentially headed in their life.

Watching them grow up has been an amazing experience for me. I get to see these four beautiful beings mature and learn and fulfill their destiny's right before my eyes. I would have never guessed in a million years before I became a mama just how lucky I would be in my life. How truly blessed I would be.

I am honored that they share their lives with me as I know so many kids choose not to share their lives with their parents. I do not take their trust in me lightly. I hope that they always choose to come to me, but I know that for some things in their lives they may need another person to bounce situations off of. I have tried to convey to my boys that they can also share things with each other if they feel that they cannot come to me.

Both of my boys are beginning to navigate through some pretty typical teenage feelings - first crushes, heartache, confusion, friend issues, etc...I am so lucky that they choose to share their lives with me because they don't have to. I hope that I can do them justice and be filled with the wisdom that they need from me when seeking out advice. I hope that I can
offer the listening ear that they need when looking for a trusted loved one to hear them out.

Being a parent is a privilege, and I am humbled by the trust that God has placed in me with these 4 beautiful souls.

In The End

In the end, the ending didn't look at all like my boys had hoped. Their last soccer games as Black Tigers weren't as fantastic or picture perfect as they wished. They were tired and worn out and it showed on the field. In the end, though, all of those things didn't matter because they were on the field with the boys that they have grown up with. They were on the field with friends and teammates alike, and THAT is what mattered.

If you think about it though, the ending was actually rather perfect. Because what the ending showed was that even though they were tired and worn out they were not going to give up on each other. They were going to slosh through the game as best they could while having each other's backs. They were 11 young men trying their hardest out there on the field to see each other through the ugly parts of playing back to back games- the tired, cramped legs, the pulled muscles, the physically rough opponents - and they did so by quietly doing their best to push themselves and each other to limits they were not sure they could reach. Certainly, they could not have reached these limits alone, but together as one united team they could.

Walking off of the field for the last time as a Black Tiger. 

When my youngest son came off of the field for the very last time with tears in his eyes I knew the heartbreak he was feeling because I was feeling it too. Here was a young man who lives and breathes soccer. Who all his life has lived and breathed soccer with his two best buddies, and who was now closing the chapter on that part of his life while knowing that they would continue on without him. I just wanted to tell him that everything would be all right. That he would find new teammates in the spring. But in the end, I didn't say a word. I just held him as he quietly cried in my arms because I knew that even though he would find new teammates in Las Cruces I knew it wouldn't be the same. Growing up and playing a sport you love with all of your being with your best buddies is a privilege that not many kids get to experience. Josh was lucky to get a chance to do that, and he knows how lucky he is.

As my boys hugged and high fived their teammates for one last time I could help but be so grateful that we had an amazing last year. I am so grateful that I got to see my boys play on the same team. I am grateful that I got to see them have such a successful year. They had more wins as a middle school team this year than the school has seen in years and years. They were exciting to watch even when they were frustrating to watch. I am honored that I got to sit on the sidelines this one last season and see just the tip of what this school team can become in the future. I wish them the best of luck in the years to come. I thank them all for the wonderful memories that I will walk away with, but more importantly I thank them for all of the memories that my boys will walk away with.

THIS is what I will miss the most...

Right now, as I type this, there is a whole gaggle of kids jumping on the trampoline outside of my window. Elizabeth's friends have come over. Josh's friends are here with more on their way over. Andy is about to hook up with one of his buddies, and Miss Sarah is playing over at a friends house.  As the kids have gotten older their friends have become a bigger part of their lives. They still know that family comes first, but with some of these kids the line of friend and family member becomes blurred so that they are seemingly one in the same.

One of my most favorite of my kids friends, is one of Josh and Andy's best friends. I call him my other son because over the course of time I have grown to love him so very much. He refers to me as 'mom' and knows that he is just one of the fold. He came over this afternoon as he does most afternoons after school, and I heard him calling one of their other buddies saying, "Meet us over at Gregg's. We are all over here.". I almost started to cry right there on the spot because I know that the days are numbered for those words to take place.

This move is so good for our family for so many different reasons, but saying, "see you later" to so many loved ones is proving to be more difficult than I imagined. I am finding the most trouble when I think about saying farewell to this fabulous group of kids that mine have formed a posse with. My boys friends in particular are giving me the most heartache because they are such good boys. Andy also has a great friend, who happens to be female, that he has known for years and years. I have always thought this young lady was the female version of Andy. Very polite, smart, independent, one of a kind. A really good girl. I have watched Andy's friendship with her blossom as of late, and it makes me sad to think that Bob and I are moving our kids away from such good friends.

Our house seems to be the meeting point for all of these kids. The central location among all of the houses that these kids reside in. It makes me teary to think that they will have to pass this house and know that we no longer live in it. I wonder what it will like for them as they move on with their lives and tell stories about 'the time that the Gregg's lived on Jennings'.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to be the ones left behind.

When Bob and I decided to look into taking a promotion with his current employer we knew that most likely we would have to move out of the area. We also knew that this would have a huge impact on our families. What I didn't take into account as much as I should have was the impact that this move would have on all of those who call my kids their best friends. All of those kids who lives will be altered just a bit because we decided to pursue something that we deemed a good fit for our own family.

I will miss these kids so much. So much it hurts me. I will miss their little bouts of drama. I will miss their laughter. I will miss their neighborhood games. I will miss their sleepovers.  I will miss the family on 7th street whose daughters are wonderful young ladies who have been great friends to Elizabeth (and Sarah as well). I will miss their son who is such a polite, thoughtful young man. I will miss the sweet boy from Johnson Avenue who has always shown me a sensitive side when so many others see his tough exterior. This same young man who passes gas like none other, and has been a wonderful friend to Josh. I will miss the two young ladies on Washington Avenue and Elmwood who have Sarah's saving grace. They have been her friends through thick and thin and have given her the outlet that she needs when she just wants to get away from home. I will miss the young lady on Maplewood who has been a greater friend to Andy than she will ever realize. In all of the years of homeschooling and public schooling and homeschooling again she has been a constant friend among a sea of change for him. She will never know just how much she has meant to him (and because of that to me) over these last several years.  Last, but most certainly, not least I will miss the young man from Marguerite who truly has become like another son to me. He has been Josh's best friend for as long as I can remember, and over this past year or so has also become one of Andy's best friends. He is friend for life, and I hope my boys can maintain a friendship with him forever. I love him so much. He is a wonderful, sweet, loving young man. He has been a blessing to have around here, and the thought of not seeing him (or any of these other kids for that matter) on a near daily basis is something I cannot fathom right now.

So, as these numbered days count down I will look forward to as many opportunities as I can to hear the laughter of these kids at my house. To listen to them planning and plotting and occasionally fighting with one another will be a gift. Because I know that all too soon these 10 days will have dwindled down to 0, and then nothing will ever be the same again.

Last Time(s)

Two weeks from today the kids and I will be spending our last morning as Ohioans. At 1:10 pm we will be departing from Cleveland Hopkins Airport aboard an American Airlines plane to begin the next adventure in our lives. These next two weeks will be filled with so many 'last things'.

The start of this is the boys last home soccer game...I know that I will be pretty emotional today as I sit and watch my two boys play on a team with a core group of boys they have grown to love over the years. We, the boys and I, have talked about this season for many years as it would be the first of potentially four years that they will have the privilege to play together. (One year of middle school and then, hopefully, 3 years of high school.) Soccer has always been a big part of our life, so walking away from a team of boys that Josh has played with years and years (and that is hands down my favorite team) is going to be extremely hard. Knowing that those boys will grow and get better without my kids alongside them is sad for me and it is sad for my boys too.

The reality of us moving is becoming more and more real with each passing day. I am trying to make sure that we fit in as much as we can over these next 13 days while we still reside in our home town. I want my kids to be able to enjoy each of their 'lasts' - last sleepovers, last play dates, last soccer games, last hikes in these woods, last romps on the trampoline, last video game challenges among friends, last bike rides to knock on doors to see if best friends can play, last times with cousins and other family...

I know that there will be a lot of sadness - saying good-bye is never easy - but I know this move is the best thing for our family at this time in our lives. Besides, we aren't saying good-bye for forever. Just for now until the next time we can make it back for a visit.

I know for certain that with today's technology that those who are meant to become lifelong friends will make the time to keep the connections open and going. I know that our door is always open to anyone who would like to make the trek down to see us, and I know that we will continue to make extended trips back to Ohio for the foreseeable future.

Not Superwoman After All...

I have always (foolishly) prided myself on my ability to push my body to extremes (in unhealthy ways) without any lasting consequence. Because of this I have been living under the false presumption that my body is made of armor instead of the organs, skin, and other very destructible parts that make up the human body.  I would have continued on this way had not my body revolted against the abuse I was subjecting it to in ways I would have never predicted...

On a Friday night a little over 3 weeks ago I was talking with my oldest son, Andy, when all of the sudden I felt a tornado of dizziness envelop me. The next thing I remember is Andy calling my name in a panic. I awoke on the floor, and realized that I had just passed out. Bob had left for New Mexico a few days earlier so it was just me and the kids that night.  I have never passed out in my entire life, so I was really scared. I ended up making a doctor's appointment because I began having chest pains and a shortness of breath along with spells of dizziness in the days that followed my fainting. After a series of tests it has been determined that, because of the amount of stress I have put my body under  in the last year I have developed borderline high blood pressure. I do not have to take any medication for this at this time because my cardiologist thinks I can alleviate all of my symptoms if I learn to handle my stress better, lose weight, and exercise. High blood pressure was contributing to my headaches that I have been getting with increasing frequency as well. (I also have high cholesterol even though I am a vegetarian because it runs in my family.)

The symptoms that I have (and still are) been experiencing are really scary for me. To feel your heart racing or to get dizzy for no reason is very unsettling. These symptoms come without any warning and then usually leave shortly after they arrive. My health issues have scared not only me, but my husband as well. If I do not learn to handle my stress better and take better care of myself  I am only going to deteriorate my health even more. I am not Superwoman after all. I cannot pile stress upon stress without finding an outlet for that stress. I cannot continue to take care of everyone else while neglecting myself. I have been told that by loved ones for a really long time and their words fell on deaf ears. It took my body (and some even say a higher power) to intervene and show me that I need to love myself as much as I love those around me. Without doing so will lead to disastrous consequences.

So my new game plan includes going back to vegan eating, walking the dog more days than not every week, journaling daily, being conscious of my body and how it is feeling, and breathing deeply when I feel myself getting stressed out. We will see how that works out....all I know is I am willing to do almost anything to get myself healthy. Not feeling well and trying to do all that I do as a wife, mother,  and woman will not bring me much success. I need to put me first and keep myself there in order to be the best person I can be for all of those who rely on me.

New Mexico Details

I have been waiting to share in the details of our move until everything was in place, and now I can finally do that.


1.) We purchased a house and are going to close on it on October 23.

It is a practical house with 6 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a 9 ft deep in ground pool, and a bit over 3100 square feet. It is definitely not anything fancy (you'll see what I mean once you look at the pictures), but it is everything that my kids want and need. Bob looked at a bunch of houses with our Realtor in New Mexico and some of them were gorgeous, but were not very kid friendly, so we opted for the option that would best fit the little people in our house. Here is the link so that you can take a look yourself -

http://www.trulia.com/property/3125828947-1713-Imperial-Rdg-Las-Cruces-NM-88011

2.) The movers are coming on Monday, October 20th to pack up our home.
3.) They are loading the truck and our van on Tuesday, October 21st and will begin the 1700 mile journey to our new home in New Mexico.
4.) The kids and I are flying to New Mexico on Wednesday, October 22nd.
5.) My father-in-law is driving our dog Lily down to New Mexico for us, so that we can have some of peace of mind and save some money by not having to fly her down there.



Everything appears to be falling into place. I am getting both extremely excited and sad at the same time. Still no buyers on our current house, but I am certain that in time someone will love it enough to want to call it their own.