I have been hoping for a meaningful encounter with you since November 24th. Something that I could hold on to and know that you are alright. Something that I could carry with me through the hard times when the ache of missing you seems impossible to surmount; it happened last night.
We were at some sort of gathering in which there was a tight crowd of people all around. It didn't seem like any sort of special occasion, just a gathering of people who all seemed to know one another in some sort of way and were casually visiting. There were people there that I knew too, but I didn't know all of them. I remember specifically hugging a bearded man with glasses and brown hair who seemed to know me intimately, but I don't ever remember encountering him in my real life, but he knew you, and I got the impression he knew me so well because you had told him all about me and our special relationship.
As I made my way through the crowd of people, I made my way to you. You were standing next to the bearded man and seemed peaceful and calm. You seemed content. It seemed like you had been on a trip for a long time and that you had so many stories to tell me, but first you wanted to take a "selfie" with me. You held the camera out and mentioned that you needed the picture so that you could always have it with you to look at when we couldn't be together in person. I got the impression that you would be away from me for long periods of time and that our time together would be limited to short, sporadic visits when you were able to come back from your voyages. It was then that I turned toward you and just starting sobbing which made you start to cry. I remember how good it felt to hug you. It felt just like usual except there was an urgency in this hug because I didn't know if I would ever get a chance to hug you again, and I wanted to savor every moment of our embrace. I wanted to hold you forever. You were strong in your hug, not frail. It was like you were my grandpa of 25 year ago. You didn't need your walker or a cane. You just stood on your own with your arms wrapped around me and I could feel your strong hands and the way it felt to rest my chin on your chest. I could feel your whiskers on my cheek from you beard.
Somehow, we knew that our time was limited, and so we cried and hugged and hugged and cried. Each being so happy and appreciative to be in the other's embrace. It felt so good to hug you again. To see you again and be with you. Your hug felt so real; like all of the other hundreds, and maybe thousands of hugs before it. I could remember every detail of your embrace. It was like finding a sacred treasure that you thought was lost forever, but stumbling upon it randomly and knowing how lucky you were to have found it again. Treasuring every part of it.
But then, something changed, and you were gone. And I knew then that this was all just a dream, and that there would never be another hug again - not in real life anyway. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks to the chest because our dream together seemed so real. I was sure of its realness.
In the end, I don't know if you came to me, or if you brought me to you, but either way I feel like I got to glimpse a little bit of heaven - being with you again, even if only for a fleeting moment in my dreams, was what I have been waiting for since you left this earth. I hope that you visit me often in my dreams, I will always be waiting for you there.
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