Year One

One year ago today, your light went out in my life. 

I thought that even in death we would still be bound together -

that we had a connection that would last for eternity. 

But I was wrong. 

When you died a piece of me died too. 

For days and days I tried to feel you - I was desperate to know if we were wrong

Was there really something after this life?

Instead, there was just a profound silence...

And an aching emptiness that I never knew could exist inside someone.

I felt so lost.

How was I supposed to do life without you?

Who was going to be my compass pointing me in the right direction?

What does one do when her center of gravity is gone?

How does one know how to move forward 

when her North Star goes dark? 

Many moons had passed by before you came to me in my dreams. 

But there you were. 

And for a long time you came with some regularity. 

In the meeting place of my mind you were alive and well.

What seemed lost was found because in the land of Oz you seemed

so Real.

I could hear you, and touch you, and see you. 

In that secret world it was like no time had passed without each other.

It was as if we had never been apart. 

And I felt a deep peace that I had not felt since 

November 24 when time took you away from me. 

I miss you every day. 

I did not know that death could feel so cruel. 

I hope that we were wrong. 

I hope that someday we can meet again in a time and place that

doesn't just inhabit my mind. 

In the meantime, I will just wait for you in the place where

reality meets the imaginary. 

I will pray to the Sandman that he brings me to you,

and we can be whole together instead of broken apart. 

One year in without you hasn't gotten any easier -

Its just gotten more real,

and that actually makes it feel harder. 

I will love you forever and always.