I am not going to sugar coat it - 2021 was a really hard, really awful year for me. I am sure that COVID added an extra layer to all that hardness making it seem at times that life was an impossible, never-ending uphill battle.
I feel like not one area of my left was left unaffected by all of the hardness. Towards the end of this year I felt unanchored and adrift in every area of my life. While certainly I have felt that way in certain parts of my life before I don't ever recall a time when I felt that way in all areas of my life.
If you have never felt this way in your own life before - my wish is that you never do. It is so disorienting and traumatic to truly not know which way is up anymore. To have all of your dreams and beliefs and visions for your future self and life destroyed is crazy hard. I can only describe it as feeling like you are living life in a floating bubble - with nothing to hold on to and nothing to keep you steady.
After all that has happened in 2021 I cannot look towards to future - for anything. I can only take things day by day and, sometimes, even just minute by minute.
I do not know if it will always be this way, or if it is just this way right now. All I know is that I am thankful to be rid of 2021. It was one of the three hardest years of my life. Maybe once I am removed from it I will be able to look back and see some glimmers of goodness - for now though I am still too close to it and the wounds are too open and too raw to see anything good at all.
Good riddance, 2021. I am glad that I don't have to deal with you ever again.
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