Moving On - A Soccer Try Out for Josh

After a series of failed attempts, due mostly to the holidays and field availability issues, Josh finally went to his first practice/try out with the premier soccer club down here in Las Cruces last night. It was such a bitter sweet moment for me - much more so than I had anticipated - and the dual feelings of both ache and excitement caught me off guard. I don't think it helped much that on my way out the door to this practice I took a look at a picture hanging above my kitchen sink of Josh playing soccer in his yellow GAASA shirt.

Some of you might be wondering what the big deal is. It is a soccer team, right? And in way you may be right, but in other ways you couldn't be more wrong. Because to us soccer isn't just about the game. It is about the relationships that you form because of the game. It is about the memories you make, the time spent with friends that become like family, and the bonds that you forge with those that share a common interest and love.

This new team was so welcoming of Josh, Bob and myself. Parents embraced us warmly with extended handshakes and easy conversation all throughout the practice. Their interest in us was genuine and I could feel myself falling in love with this team.

The coach of this team is the high school girls varsity soccer coach here in town  for Las Cruces High. (We actually have 3 high schools here and so there are actually 3 varsity girls teams - one for each school.) He has won the state champion ship twice in recent years. He means business (and you can tell that just by looking at him), but he is also a person that Josh could learn an awful lot from. Right off the bat I liked him and I could tell that he was really scoping Josh out. Josh definitely was not the best player on the team, but he was not the worst by a long shot. He was able to hang in there though, and did not stick out like a sore thumb by any means. I was so worried about the skill level down here because up in Ohio Josh was a very solid player. I was afraid that coming down here we would find out that he was not as good a player as we thought he was.  I think that being in the upper middle of the pack will be good for him because he will have the chance to learn some new things not only from his coach but from his teammates as well. I see a huge opportunity for growth for him here.

 Because we live in the middle of nowhere it sounds as if travel could be quite extensive with this team. The team's manager was telling us that they travel to upstate New Mexico, Texas, and Arizona right now, but as they grow the boys will be traveling to California, Florida, etc...My thoughts were twofold when he was talking about the travel - one is that this is (if Josh can make the cut) going to be an amazing experience for Josh and two - this is going to be a super expensive experience for Bob and I. I know though that Josh's passion is soccer. It is his life, and has been so for as long as I can remember. We have tried to get him into other sports, but nothing has captured his heart quite like soccer. So even though it will be uber expensive this is one of those situations where you do what you have to do because you want to do everything you can as a parent to help fulfill a child's dream. Josh's dream is to be a soccer player.

The boys whom Josh may have a chance to play with, if asked to be on the team, were just as welcoming as the parents were to Bob and I. They included him and seemed to treat him like one of their own right away. (Two of the kids on the team are even homeschooled which Josh loved.) After a bit of hesitancy Josh came out of his shell and played with the boys like he had been with them his whole life. According to one of the parents the core group of boys on this team has been playing together since they were 4. It was so nice to see him jell with these boys. He looked so happy on the field, and I loved watching every minute of practice because of that. He looked like he was at home.  There is something magical about watching Josh play soccer. He just gets the game in a way that is completely beyond my comprehension. I know that this sounds totally corny, but it is almost like he becomes one with the game. Watching him play is one of my most favorite things in the world.

My boys.

But here is the kicker about the whole experience. Here is why my heart ached - because the whole time I watched my son play with this team I couldn't help but thinking of his soccer team back in Ohio. I thought about how Josh was supposed to keep on playing with them until he graduated high school. I thought about how they have played together since they were super little - how the core of them had become not only teammates but friends - best friends. I thought about how those boys were still playing together right now and how there would always be a void on that field because Josh was not there. I thought about the state championship potential that this core group of boys had. I thought about all of the excitement this team has generated among the soccer folk in Cuyahoga Falls. I thought about all of the games, practices, and fun they have had together. I envisioned Josh with this team in their yellow and black uniforms for gaasa or their white/black uniforms for the school.

I know that, if Josh can make the team, I will fall in love with this new team. The parents, the players, the coach all seem to be a dream come true. Everything has exceeded my expectations in terms of soccer. But the thing is you never forget your first love. The ache of a breakup (especially when it was on such great terms) never really leaves your heart. You wonder about your first love from time to time. You think about him/her as your life moves forward, and you always hold a special place in your heart for him/her.

So where does this leave Josh now? I am not sure. At the end of practice the coach told Josh that he would see him next week at practice. The team manager gave us a practice schedule for the rest of the month of December, and we were invited to a pick up game of soccer tomorrow at the college here in town. In time we will hear something, but for now Josh is going to attend every practice and see where this road takes us.

As for me, I suppose my heart will look forward what the future holds and always cherish the memories and experiences that got us to this point. As much as I am excited for Josh and his future here -

My heart will always belong to black and yellow. 

I cannot help but wonder about what could have been...