Extraordinary Moments

looking through old photos of times gone by

distant memories 

things forgotten, but quickly remembered

small moments that were captured through a lens

frozen in time

these ordinary moments

of the four kids

made me want to cry out

there were pictures of times before 

the sickness came

when those sweet faces did not know 

what pain, suffering, and sacrifice looked like

and there were times after the sickness came

when those wise beyond their year's faces 

did know what pain, suffering, and sacrifice looked like

(and look like still)

and the camera still clicked away

capturing small moments of heaven on earth

seeing these pieces of our life

made me realize just how much all of those 

ordinary moments really meant

and how much they mean still

all of those moments when i didn't want to do the craft, 

or go to the park, 

or play the game, 

but did anyway - for them

all of those times that i thought were so ordinary

all of those times that i thought

would come around again and again

that surely, this particular moment couldn't mean that much? 

those moments were actually extraordinary moments. 

because those moments were the building blocks 

that created a life. 

my life. 

they are the building blocks that continue to build my life still

those photos of young children 

who I seemed to know a long ago in another dimension

are now closer to being adults than they are

to those young faces looking back at me as moments captured 

in an ordinary life

and yet in looking at those photos of the people they were

i am reminded how much they need me still

even when i think they don't

they need me and my moments just as much

if not  more now

they need me to show them with my time

that i see them

value them

hear them

and i can show them all of these things 

with my moments

just like i did in the times reflected back at me through 

the computer screen this morning

all of the days that i still think won't matter

or be remembered

and therefore can be passed on 

in order for another day to come upon me 

when i will feel like making that special meal,

or playing that game,

or sitting and talking with them, 

or creating that craft

i was sharply reminded today that i am wrong.

so wrong.

because those little moments matter so much more than 

the big ones

at the end of a life the little moments will

have amounted to so much more than those 

big moments ever did

because while those big moments were shiny

and cool and fun

they aren't what make up a whole life

only the small moments can do that

the ones that we don't think even 

matter

and so, looking back on those smiling (or sometimes not) faces

i am filled with a sense of utter gratitude

that i was able to get beyond all of the other things 

i wanted to do, or should be doing, or needed to do

and instead focused on being with them

in just that ordinary moment. 

because while i was building my life 

without even paying attention to it

i was also helping them to build theirs

and they were paying attention

because they always knew

that these ordinary moments

were actually extraordinary