A Servant's Heart

One of the things that I am really trying to hard to work on with my semi-new found faith is to have a servant's heart. I get the impression that this is really important to Jesus. To serve others willingly, joyfully, and without complaint. I don't do any of those things very well. At all. When I do something for one of my kids or my husband I want them all to know about it.  I want everyone in my household to know just how above and beyond I went, how hard it was, and how much appreciation I deserve because of my efforts. When I am put out everyone knows about it. When I feel unappreciated everyone knows about it. I grumble. I kvetch. I pout. (It's embarrassing to admit all of this, but I have a knack for embarrassing myself on this site it seems.)

The point is that I don't serve others in the way that Jesus would. Since I am trying to learn and become as Christ-like as I can, and because being a servant seemed pretty high on Jesus' list of important things to do I decided to make this my number one priority. When I first began to think about where I wanted to serve and how I wanted to use my abilities to be more Christlike I thought about volunteering some place in town on a weekly or monthly basis, but after praying each morning for God to please help me to have a servant's heart he showed me where I really need to begin: at home.

Eek. At home? Really? That means that I will need to do the laundry, cooking, budgeting, baking, menu creating, cleaning, schooling, organizing, running kids around, taking care of kids, & taking care of husband willingly, joyfully, and all without complaint. I think God is trying to torture me! How am I going to do all of those things in that manner? I cannot go 1 day without huffing and puffing and kvetching (I love this word) about something. Now, God is asking me to go the rest of my life without doing so? What?! I thought God was supposed to give me a grace period in the Christianity club and allow me to get my feet wet. I didn't think that he would just shoot straight from the hip with the hardest task he could possibly find for me right off the bat! No wonder there are so many unbelievers out there!!! This is hard stuff, man.

But here the thing - deep down I really want to become a better servant. Jesus is awesome, and I want to model my life as closely to his as I possibly can because He has changed me in ways that I never thought possible, and almost like a drug, I have witnessed small pieces of His greatness, and I want more.

So, how can I be a better servant?

First, I can learn to put my husband second to God. My priorities have been out of wack for a while - I put my children above my husband for years and years. This isn't how it should be. Putting my kids before my husband is bad for my husband, myself, and my kids.

Second, I need to learn that my husband is the head of the household. I am a force to be reckoned with, I admit. I can be pretty wonderful and fun, but I can also be beastly (or as the kids call me: Gorzilla). For the last 15 years I have run the household. I have worn the pants in the family so to speak. I have made decisions without my husband and I have run this family for as long as I can remember without really consulting him on very much. (I mean, the big things, yes, but all of the little day to day things? Not so much.) My husband is pretty laid back and easy to please which has made it all the more easy for me to run him over (and then to complain that I do everything. I am telling you I can be a real piece of work.) and then take charge of our household. As time has gone on and Bob works more and more our roles seem to be more defined and it has become even easier for me to just do what I want. In some regards, Bob doesn't want to know about every decision I make, but he certainly wants to be included in more of them. Then, when he does try to put his foot down, I rebel and make life difficult for him. I have been reading a lot about submission (don't freak out here my feminist friends and family), and what my role is in our family. I feel that Bob and I are equal, but have very different roles. It is my job to be Bob's help meet and I am to defer to him first. Basically, I feel that it is my job to allow him to feel like to man of the house and to treat him like the man of the house. I am to serve him first and foremost (after God, of course). What this means to me is to allow him to have the final say in most matters of the home and to make him feel like the king of his castle (all the while doing so joyfully, willingly, and without complaint). It means that I am the number 2 in command in this house, so no more "I do what I want when I want how I want." Which, for those of you who know me, is going to be really, really, really challenging to me, and really, really, really foreign to my husband.

Third, I can be a better servant to my children. Now, I am not talking about waiting on my kids hand and foot and spoiling them rotten. Heck no! That would be completely irresponsible of me. What I am talking about is the atmosphere I create in my home. Is my home well organized? Is it clean? Is there a healthy meal on the table? Is the laundry done? Do I have a joyful attitude? Am I happy to see their father come home? Am I warm and welcoming? Am I approachable or am I distant and grouchy? Am I patient? (Now, please keep in mind that the house is going to be cleaned because the kids help me. The meals on the table will be there because the kids have helped me.) Because I am the keeper of the home I am in charge of the atmosphere of our home and that is created in part by how clean/well kept up it is, but also the attitudes that I exemplify as well. Do I grumble when the kids ask me to do something for them? Or do I joyfully respond to them? The attitude that I display as the keeper of the home will be the ones that they display when they get older or the ones that they choose in spouses - should they choose to get married. That is how I can serve them.

This  means that there will be times when I do things for my husband or kids and I will get no recognition for it. It means that there are going to be times when I do things for our family/home that no one even notices. And I am to do it all willingly, joyfully, and without complaint. This is going to be so hard for me because I don't know how to do my job without complaining and kvetching (there is that awesome word again!). I don't know how to suffer in silence, so to speak. I am a vocal gal. But I know that learning to be a keeper of my home willingly, joyfully, and without complaint is what God really wants me to focus on because as a mother and wife I have more impact on our family than anyone else does. It is important that I do this job well for how I perform in these two most important roles will affect so many other people and so many generations to come.

Once I am a better servant in my own home THEN I can go out in the world and better serve those in need. But I cannot, in good faith, go out and serve others when I am not serving those that live in this home well.