Andy has been going to "voluntary" training sessions every day for the past 6 weeks in order try and make the high school soccer team. He has worked harder than he ever has before pushing his body both physically and mentally to places it has never been. Some days he has come home with tears in his eyes because his body hurts so much and other days the tears have been from an emotional hurt.
Andy is the type of soccer player whose level of play depends heavily on his soccer self esteem. He has played for teams in his younger days for tough coaches who offered little praise and a lot of criticism. He played terribly for those coaches and even quit soccer for a while because he was so mentally battered and bruised. On the flip side, he has played for coaches who have offered positive reinforcement and praised much and criticized little. For those coaches (most notably his last coach for whom he played his best soccer for and who he could do no wrong in this man's eyes) he was a different soccer player completely. He was solid. He could hold his own and he played well. He flourished.
In moving to New Mexico Andy was coming off of a soccer player high. He had just finished his best soccer season yet playing for his favorite coach with his best friends. I loved watching him play for that team because I knew how far he had come to get to that point of believing in himself and his capabilities as a player.
He brought this attitude of confidence with him down to New Mexico and I slowly saw it chipped away. When we got wind of the high school summer schedule Andy was beginning to lose confidence in his ability to play. He had several setbacks in the months prior to these summer tryouts that began to deflate his confidence. After the first practice with this new high school team Andy was thoroughly defeated. I knew we were in for an uphill battle because I knew that Andy was going to play without any confidence - when he does this he plays like rubbish.
But day in and day out he has been going to these practices. He has played in scrimmages and does get some playing time, but not too much. He, quite honestly, is on the verge of being cut from the team. He has been all summer. In fact, I think if the coach was actually allowed to cut people he would have been cut a long time ago, but thankfully for the New Mexico Athletic Association cuts are not able to be made for another week or two which has been Andy's only saving grace.
You see, Andy has two things that 75% of other boys don't have. He has a heart of gold and (when he wants to) a work ethic like none other. He will give 110% in 95 degree heat for 2.5 hours every single day just to be able to earn a spot on the bench. The time that Andy has spent on the field during practices these last 6 weeks has shown the coaches this work ethic and good attitude. If he makes the team (and I am not even sure he will) it will be because of these two things.
I couldn't tell you why playing down here is so hard and so different. Maybe these boys have racing horse blood in them because they are almost all super fast. (Andy is not.) These boys also have foot skills unlike any high school boys I have ever seen before. (Andy does not.) I have been told that the boys are so good because from the time they can walk a soccer ball has been placed in front of them. Maybe this is true. Maybe it is not. All I know is that these kids are wicked good ball players.
I will say that Andy is slowly gaining a small amount of confidence. He is looking like he actually belongs on the field now that he has had some time to play with these boys. In the beginning, when he was on the field he looked like he had never played soccer before. It was that bad. I was embarrassed for him as I would watch him during practice or in a scrimmage. The last game that he played in he did a solid job. He passed the ball well; he beat his opponents to the ball more often than not; he had some good skill moves.
Up until yesterday, I felt like we were making some positive progress with his confidence. And then he got into the car after practice and I could see in his face that something bad had happened. He looked broken.
I asked how practice was and he told me not good. He told me that the boys were scrimmaging and that they were assigned to pick teams. He said that he was picked last. He said that even Josh was picked before him. (Keep in mind that Josh isn't even trying out for the team. He is just practicing with them to get some touches on the ball before his own season begins next week.) I then asked him how he felt about that. He said that he felt terrible because he knew that his teammates had no confidence in him and that they all thought he was the weakest link.
My heart ached for him. I know how hard this whole process has been for him. It hurts me to see him hurting. As his Mama I want to fix everything for him. Make everything better. But I know that I cannot. What am I going to do? Go yell at the kids for picking Andy last? Yell at the coach for not giving him more playing time or for not building up his confidence more? Tell the coach that Andy is an amazing kid and that he is making a huge mistake if he cuts him from the team?
I suppose I could do any and all of the above, but the truth of the matter is that I will do none. Parenting is hard. Allowing kids to learn life lessons is even harder. Not all good people get everything that they want in life. Life isn't fair. Sometimes, being a good person isn't good enough. Trying to save the day for Andy will only make his life harder. It will certainly put a bad taste in the coaches mouths regarding our family and it will hurt the chance that he does have to make the team. But not only that. Andy will be an adult (in the legal sense of the word) in 3 years. He has to learn to deal with rejection and disappointment. (As do all of my kids.) It is a part of life for him just as it is a part of parenting life for me to let him feel this rejection and disappointment as much as I want to save him from those feelings.
I asked Andy what he was going to do about being picked last, if anything. He told me, as only Andy would because he is just that sweet of a soul, that he is going to do the only thing that he can do and that is to work harder to show the boys on the team that he is a better player than they currently think he is. Honestly, if it was me? I probably would have walked off of the field at that point and never come back. But not Andy. Andy is going to do what he has always done when life gets hard - he is going to put his head to the ground and work harder. If that isn't an example of a life lesson then I don't know what is.
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