Disrespect from children is something that I cannot tolerate. I am not fond of it coming from adults either, but children being disrespectful I find to be an even graver offence. In return, I do strongly believe that children deserve respect. They mimic what they see and receive, so when I am out and about living my life and I come across disrespect coming from a child - blatant, sassy, fresh mouthed disrespect it infuriates me. But I also become not only infuriated with the child, but with their parents as well. Because what this shows me is that either a child is disrespected at home or is overindulged at home and does not have any boundaries, and the parent is responsible for correcting both of these situations. I know that you may tell me that every situation is different, and everyone has their own story, blah, blah, blah...to me, disrespect is disrespect is disrespect, and I cannot tolerate it my own children, and I cannot tolerate it in other people's children.
I guess you might be wondering what prompted this outburst, so I will offer you a little bit of background. We are a soccer family. All of my kids play. Andy, after being bounced around to several different coaches, and then taking some time off, and then coming back to soccer for a season has finally found the perfect coach for him. His coach is a good man with a wonderful family. Good family values, close family, good coach. The kind of coach I wish all children had because he teaches with kindness, but is stern when needed. I am grateful that Andy has him as a coach. He is really flourishing under his direction. I am so very grateful that his coach took over the middle school coaching position this year, and also Ohio changed its laws so that home schooled kids can play sports for their local school district.
I have noticed on Andy's team over the course of the season that some of the kids on the team are disrespectful - not only to the coach as times, but to their fellow players, and to referees during games. At first it was just a comment here and there to a fellow player, or not listening to coach when he was giving instructions, or arguing with a referee about a call, but at yesterday's game it was full blown ugly. By the time the boys boarded the bus to head back to our town (it was an away game) I wanted to take two of the boys by the ear, yank them into a corner, and have some words with them. I also wanted to take their parents who frequently come to the games, and ask them why they allow this blatant back talk, arrogance, and sass from their sons? If I ever, and I mean ever, heard any of my kids talk back to a referee when a call is made, or be disrespectful to their coaches during a game or to their fellow players, at any time, I would yank their butts from the field and we would be having a conversation - if you know what I mean. I am dead serious. Respect is paramount to me.
Yelling at each other, not working as a team, hogging the ball because you feel that you are better than everyone else on the team, and then losing the ball just about every time you have it because you refuse to pass it, telling other players to 'shut up' (in our house that word is on par with the 'f' word. I find that phrase so disrespectful), deciding that because you are losing the game you are no longer going to put any effort into the game, and then telling the coach afterwards that you didn't try because you were losing (and this is coming from one of the better skilled players on the team), arguing with a referee about a call you do not agree with = DISRESPECT!!!!!!! Disrespect like that is an infection that oozes into the entire team. A sense of entitlement and being better than everyone else is like an open sore that just keeps getting worse. (And all of these things happened at yesterday's game).
I am still incensed and this game happened 15 hours ago! These boys, who are being so disrespectful, I blame them, but I so very much blame their parents. The sight of their parents disgusts me right now. Because of their lack of correction their child is this way. I am sorry, I know that sounds harsh, and I do not know what goes on behind closed doors in their homes, but it is very obvious that respect has not been modeled in their lives because if it was they would not be so rude and (here it is again) disrespectful.
Now, I know that I sound like a tyrant. Really, I am not. Do you know why my children are respectful? Because I respect them. I treat them as human beings, not as brainless bodies that must do what I say when I say it. I talk with them and explain things to them, and honor them in the way that I ask them to honor me. I apologize to them when I am wrong, and I explain to them why I should not have done/behaved/said certain things. I speak to them the way that I want to be spoken to. I try very hard not to yell at them when I am mad (I fail more often with Elizabeth than I care to admit), and I treat them the way that I would like to be treated. You know, this actually works! I have polite, well behaved children. (Yes, they sometimes act out. They are human after all, but over all they are well behaved people). The best compliment that I can receive as a parent is not how good looking my kids are, or how smart, or brave, or whatever. The compliment that I take the most pride in is how polite and respectful my kids are.
My kids don't have to like a call the referee makes during a game, and they don't have to like something their coach is doing, or they may get frustrated with their fellow players, but there is a time and a place for handling all of those situations in a respectful manner.
Do my kids mess up and make mistakes? Absolutely. Do I? Absolutely. The problems that I am talking about (well, actually ranting about) are not those of an isolated incident. They are those that happen time and time again, that you can see are a personality flaw - one that can and should be corrected. Because you know what is going to happen? These boys are going to keep on their paths of disrespect - and they will be come disrespectful adults who will raise disrespectful children, and the cycle will go on and on. That is a true shame.
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