Dearest Joshua,
I know that when you are older, and become aware enough of my blogging that you actually start reading these posts, you will roll your eyes at this letter and its open display of love and affection for you. You will pretend to be super embarrassed, and say something like, "Mooommm", all the while smiling at me in a way that only you know how to do.
I love you so much. I am so very proud of the young man you are becoming. I think this year you have grown more, emotionally, than any other year in your life. I have watched you grow ever more into your own person, and I am in awe and amazed at what I am witnessing.
I think out of all of the kids Sarah's illness has hit you the hardest. I know that you struggle so much with questions such as, "Why Sarah?" and "Why our family?". I know that Sarah's battle with NMO has angered you at times because it hurts you so much to see your sister struggle. I have seen the tears in your eyes when you thought no one was looking as you witnessed just how much Sarah could not see, and how (at times) her world became so unclear and dark. I am honored to be able to see how you have become your sister's keeper. How you will protect from teasing kids at the park or assist her in playing a board game when she cannot see the pieces very clearly. Your gentle patience and big brotherly love is inspiring. Your compassion for all that Sarah is going through has shown me a side of you that I did not know exists. I did not think that I could love you any more than I already did, but I was dead wrong because after watching you handle and care for Sarah this year my love grew for your by leaps and bounds. Your actions this year have told me loud and clear that you do hear your dad and I talking to you when we say, 'Family First'. I know that Sarah will always have you to look after her when she needs looking after, and for that, I will always be grateful. Thank you for being so discreet with Sarah's struggles. I know that she gets embarrassed when her eyes are bad and she cannot play games at the park like all of the other kids. I also know that you have tried your hardest to alter the rules of the games or change the games themselves in order to include your sister without ever letting anyone else know why you were doing so. Your sister will always be grateful to you for your discreetness.
You, of all of the kids, make me laugh the hardest with your dry sense of humor. Your humor is a Godsend to me because you seem to know just when to put it into play to make me laugh. This gift is one of your greatest assets - I hope you carry it with you always. Just thinking about some of the things that you say makes me laugh out loud. You are truly a funny guy. In fact, I would go so far as to say you are the funniest person I know. You bring laughter into my life when I so desperately need it.
I hope that your 12th year brings you more smiles. I hope that you continue to grow and learn and seek out all that life has to offer. I hope that you continue following your passions and seeking out those worthy of your friendship.
You are an amazing young man. I know I say this a lot, but I mean it from the deepest parts of my heart - I am honored to call you my son. Getting to walk along side you as you grow into the fine person you are becoming is a blessing that I cherish every day.
I love you more than you will ever know.
Happy 12th Birthday, Joshua.
Love,
Mom
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