Tough Decisions

It has been officially decided that I am going to be pulling the boys out of their government run school (a.k.a. public school), and will be teaching them at home. I am really, really excited about this, and they seem to be as well. The decision was completely theirs, and I have asked them repeatedly if they are SURE that this is the route that they want to go. I am extremely confident in the academic material they will be learning this school year, so my repeated inquiries have nothing to do with content, but everything to do with the social aspect of school. Both boys are old enough to have a majority say in some things in their lives - their schooling is one of those things. Each of them has repeatedly told me both together and separately that learning at home is the way for them. I have explained to them over and over again that it is not going to be easy. They will not be playing all day, but rather learning new material every day just like their peers. The advantage they will have though is that they will be at home where I can tailor their learning styles and learning speeds to them where at school the teaching staff does not have the luxury of being able to really cater to each child's needs.

The girls on the other hand are a bit more difficult decision. Because they are younger than the boys I have felt that they should have some say in whether or not I bring them home to learn, but less of a say than the boys. Elizabeth is very wishy washy. Some days she wants to be home schooled and some days she wants to go back to regular school. She had a very good year this past school year - much to my surprise. She really matured a lot, and appeared to be able to make some friends. While I believe that she could learn extremely well at home I am unsure that I would be able to provide the social outlets that she would get in regular school. Yes, she plays sports and if her school offers a Girl Scout program for her grade this year she would like to join that, so she would see kids on a regular basis. We would also join our old home schooling group which would allow them to interact with kids that are in their same situation, and they could meet up with them during school hours for field trips and things of that nature. But will all of that be enough for her? That is the million dollar question. I can just hear both sides of the argument in my head - homeschoolers would say that of course Elizabeth would be able to get the socialization that she needs as long as I made an effort to expose her to those situations, and in the other corner, regular schoolers would say that of course she would not get the socialization that she needs and that I should indeed send her back for that aspect alone. At the end of the day I have to do with what works best for my family regardless of what anyone else says.

Sarah, on the other hand, is going to be the most difficult to decide what to do. Honestly, she is pretty adamant about wanting to go back to school. On the one hand, my brain is telling me to let her go back because she really wants to. On the other hand, I know that after the newness of school wears off, and she has seen her friends for a bit she is going to want to come home too. I know that she will get glimpses of what the boys (and maybe Elizabeth) are doing, and it will be a battle to get her up and out of the door each morning.  I don't want that struggle, and I won't pull her out in the middle of the year. If she starts the school year in public school she is finishing the school year in public school. To be honest, the elementary years (up to 4th grade anyway) don't bother me too much. Yes, I think that my kids are not getting a very good education because teachers have to teach to a test per government mandates, but I also don't think that going to public school is going to do any damage per say. Once the kids reach 5th grade though, I have seen an increase in both academic concerns as well as social concerns. If we stay in our current school district I would want to pull them out in the 5th grade anyway, and bring them home to learn (assuming that everything stays as it currently is). So, this is where I am with Sarah - do I let her go to school because it is something that she says (right now)  it is what she wants to do (and let her realize for herself after a week or two that she really wants to come home to learn, but is stuck at regular school) OR do I pull her out, and let her know that if she does not like being taught at home I will let her go back next year (knowing that she will enjoy herself with the curriculum I have for her, but without her giving her a choice of where she wants to go).

I have been wresting the with decision about what to do with the girls for the last few days as I need to send in my notice of intent to the school. I go round and round in my brain over what the best decision for the girls would be - I really feel that I would like to bring them home, but would they understand that decision or would they just resent it? I guess that is what is comes down to - I don't want the girls, but particularly Sarah because she is a bit older and can understand the ramifications a bit more, to resent the decisions that I would like to make for them. I don't want them to grow up and be angry with me because they felt that I made the wrong choices for them as they grew up. I think that my hesitation with Sarah has to also do with the fact that she has Multiple Sclerosis, and I am already making medical decisions for her that she could some day grow up to resent - do I really want to add to that and make her education something that she may resent as well? Kids don't grow up and see how much weight their parents put into a decision. How much time and sweat and anguish they mulled over a decision. What they see is the decision that is made, and I want to make sure that I am making the best decision for each child, and not blindly applying a one size fits all to a decision as polarizing as home schooling. I struggle with what I feel my rights are as a parent verse what I feel my kids rights are as human beings. Do I bring them all home because I believe very strongly in home schooling my children, and because I am the parent and they are children I have the right to bring them home regardless of their thoughts? Or do I allow them their rights because they are human beings and give them the space to realize that what I believe doesn't necessarily mean that they should/will believe in the same thing? I do know that in Sarah's case - she really would love coming home to learn. What I struggle with is do I let her see that on her own by allowing her to go to school and then having her want to come home to learn after the initial excitement has waned (but keep her in the public school system anyway because that is the choice she made at the beginning of the school year) OR do I take her out now, and have her slowly see over time that bringing her home is something that she is glad I did for her?

I have no doubt in my mind that I will provide those who stay home with a solid education (I will be posting a blog in the next couple of days with the books/subjects each child will be using/learning). I know that this school year has the ability to be fantastic and amazing - I just don't know who will be participating in this amazing year, and that has me sick to my stomach right now.